Episode 75: Emotions Are Not Facts

Episode 75: Emotions Are Not Facts

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Your emotions are not facts. We can have an emotional experience that leads us down the rabbit hole of stories that contain very little if any, truth. While it’s essential to face the emotions coming up for us to explore, they do not ask us to point fingers and assign blame to another for how we are feeling. Instead, they invite us to get curious about what triggers we need to address to heal them.

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EMOTIONS ARE NOT FACTS

BEING HUMAN

The human experience is complicated but wonderful. We can feel various emotions, from elation to worry, anger to joy. These emotions are signals to our bodies about what we are experiencing and can bring us both pleasure and pain.

What feelings are not, however, are facts. As humans, we also tend to become triggered by events and experiences that can conjure up feelings that aren’t necessarily truthful. Our emotional responses can be based on past events, misconceptions, and miscommunication. We need to take a step back and get curious about why we feel this way in order to move out of that emotional response and into the truth of what is actually happening.

PAST EXPERIENCES CREATE TRIGGERS

My husband is my best friend, and we have a fantastic relationship. It’s an entirely different dynamic than the one I grew up in with an alcoholic stepfather. As a child, I constantly walked on eggshells and felt like I was in trouble for something. I have done a lot of deep work in this area, but still, those triggers can pop up from time to time.

Recently, my husband appeared mad at me, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was in trouble. That emotion of fear was churning inside of me, and I knew I had to address it. My feelings told me there was a conflict, but there hadn’t been one. So I asked him, “Are you okay? It seems like something is going on.” And his answer was perfect, “Oh yes, I’m fine. I’m just super occupied with work. I am sorry if I’ve been short with you.”

Perfect. I felt my emotion and understood it needed more information. I allowed my husband to tell the truth about what was actually happening rather than allowing my past to paint a skewed picture of the situation.

FEEL IT TO HEAL IT

Sometimes we have old emotions that want to come forward and come up so we can heal and release them. We're often taught to push away our feelings. We tell ourselves we don't have time for it or that it's not the time or place to address those emotions, even when it's precisely the time to address it. Give yourself permission to acknowledge, "Hey, I am having a very emotional experience right now, and it's okay."

Instead of spiraling out of control and letting that emotion take over my thoughts and entire day, I can address it right then and there. Yes, this can be hard and uncomfortable, but what's truly uncomfortable is allowing what is not true to become fact in our minds and become something more significant.

COMPASSION FOR OTHERS

When we allow ourselves to feel our emotions in real-time instead of holding back for a “more appropriate time and place” to release them, we also build our compassion for others doing the same. I was recently at a farmer’s market, buying a muffin for my daughter, and the woman serving us was having a moment. She had tears streaming down her face.

She apologized and said, “I’m really emotional right now.” I assured her there was no need for an apology and encouraged her to let those emotions flow. I was not judging her for her emotional moment; more often than not, we are the only ones judging ourselves for having them. We are all human, and extending compassion for others also reinforces our ability to be human.

LET THE TEARS FLOW

When we feel big emotions and tears want to come, we need to let them flow freely. Tears are an incredibly healing release, and allowing them to flow completes the stress cycle that invited them to show up. A good cry is one of the healthiest things you can do to release and heal your body's stress.

When I watch my toddler experience her emotions fully, I admit I am in awe at how real and raw it is. As she is kicking and crying on the floor, she is holding nothing back in releasing her emotions as she knows how. She's learning to process emotions and isn't waiting until the "right time or place" to do so. Now, we don't enjoy this behavior when we are out in public. Still, the reality is that expressing that emotion and releasing it as it's coming up is healthier than the conditioning we submit to as adults.

As we get older, we learn to control our emotional responses so that we aren't disrupting others. Still, we owe it to ourselves to release the emotional weight at the first opportunity that presents itself. We can excuse ourselves for a moment to seek a safe container to cry those tears, so they don't fester within us and spiral out of control.

RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW

The practice to have in place whenever you have emotions that come up is to face them rather than waiting to acknowledge them. "I'll do that when I get home. I'll do that later." Don't do that. You want to process the emotion at that particular moment in time.

Sometimes people think that that requires a lot of time, and it doesn't. You want to acknowledge, "I'm feeling scared right now. Where is that coming from?" By getting curious about the emotion, recognizing what the emotion is, and then getting curious about where it's coming from, you'll better understand what's happening.

Let's say you explore it and still don't feel good about the situation. That's when you take the opportunity to talk to the person or people in the situation to gain more perspective. When we have tunnel vision and only have one perspective on the situation, it can create certain feelings that aren't necessarily true. When we get the whole story or another piece of the puzzle, we can see whether that emotion is true or not.

The more you get curious about your emotions, the easier it is to release past trauma from the cells.

A NEW PERSPECTIVE

When we invite all the information into our experience, we can shift our reality into the one we truly desire. When you start operating from the present moment rather than your past experiences, the perspective can change dramatically!

I like to visualize widening my perspective as if I'm looking out into a beautiful field in nature. Can I allow my view to go wider than 180 degrees? With human eyes, that might be impossible, but it's not when we focus energetically on widening the scope of what we see. We can open ourselves to see beyond the narrow perspective and allow more empathy and compassion to come forward. Then we can process things from a new position versus an old position and an old way of being.

INCREDIBLE EMPOWERMENT

You will create a domino effect when you step into your power and say:

✔️ "I can transform an emotion that does not serve me."
✔️ "I can shift out of fearful thinking and into a way that I feel empowered."

When we look at our emotions this way, it's incredibly empowering. We aren't running away from our emotions; we are facing them and releasing the fear around them.

"I get to be with this emotion because I'm not afraid to be with it. I get to process it and choose a different feeling and experience."

That's when you will begin to see the changes happening. It's truly beautiful, and it's so empowering.

Remember, emotions are not facts.

Sometimes our emotions lie to us. It's important to be with them, sit with them, transform them, and create something different that is truly empowering.

If you enjoyed this episode with Amy Robeson, we would love to invite you to check out other inspirational episodes by clicking here. Enjoy!

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Episode 162: Why Is Discipline Important for Success?

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Full transcription of the episode:

Hello, and welcome to today's episode. Let's talk about emotions. Your emotions are not facts. Let me say that again. Your emotions are not facts. This is really important because we can be having an emotional experience and be coming up with all of these stories in our brains that lead us down a rabbit hole of mistruth. And this is really important to understand in that particular moment because we have the ability as humans to feel, and it's such an amazing thing.

We get to experience joy, bliss, sadness, fear, anger, happiness, great, great fulfillment. And because we get to experience all these different emotions, they sometimes can get in the way and misinterpret the experience that you're having. Sometimes your emotions can be triggered by something that's presently going on in your life from a previous experience in the past, and that previous experience made you feel unworthy. So all of a sudden, all these unworthy feelings start coming forward. And when this happens, your emotions are lying to you. And it's important to know that at that particular time. And it can be hard and challenging to know that sometimes in that particular moment because we're truly feeling something.

And so for me, I had this experience a week ago. My husband seemed like he was mad at me, and I got a feeling that he was mad. I felt like I was in trouble. And as a kid, my stepdad was an alcoholic, so we walked on eggshells. So I constantly had this fear of being in trouble, and those emotions are still very present in my body. I have worked on those emotions a lot, but sometimes those emotions can get triggered when all of a sudden, I feel like I'm in trouble, that I did something wrong.

And my husband was being a little short, and I had this feeling come forward for me, and instead of going, "I'm in trouble. There's something going on. I'd made a mistake." I stopped, and I paused. I felt my emotion, and then I gave the opportunity for my husband to tell me the truth. And was I accusatory? No. What I did was I just said, "Hey, you seem like something's going on. Are you okay?" And he's like, "Yeah, I just have a lot going on at work. I'm super really busy. Sorry, I'm being short with you." Perfect.

So instead of spiraling out of control and letting that emotion take over my thoughts, take over my day, and have a lot of other emotions that came up, I was able to address it right then and there. And sometimes I think that this is hard for some people, like, "Wow, I got to go talk to that person," and it can feel really uncomfortable. But what's truly uncomfortable is sitting with something that's not really true and allowing that to fester into something bigger.

Also, sometimes we have old emotions that want to come forward and come up so that we can actually heal them and release them. So often, we're taught to push away the emotion, or we don't have time for that, or it's not the time or place to be experiencing those high emotions where it is the time and place. And so, if you're not in a space to do it, take a breath. Give yourself permission to just acknowledge that, "Hey, I'm having a very emotional experience right now, and it's okay."

I was at the farmers market a couple of weeks ago, and I went up to buy a muffin for my daughter. And the lady that was in charge of her booth that was selling me the muffins, she was having a moment like she had tears going down her face. She looked at me, and she goes, "I'm really sorry. I'm really emotional right now." And I go, "It's okay; let it be." Because guess what? The only person that's making huge judgments at that moment in time is the person that's experiencing those emotions. And so, for me, I was actually genuinely concerned for her. I wasn't like, "How dare she cry at this moment in time? It's not the time or place."

That thought didn't even cross my mind. It was, "Wow, she's experiencing something really deep right now. And I hope that she allows it to come out and come forward and to be released." Because if we give ourselves those opportunities, especially when tears want to come up, oh, man, we get to release the emotion that's truly attached to the tears. And not only that, it completes the stress cycle as well.

Like, a good cry can complete a stress cycle because you're letting it out. Like, I will just watch my toddler experience a true emotion, and she'll be on the floor kicking and crying, and I'll just let her work it out, and I'm just like, "Man, how awesome is that that she can do that right that moment in time." And as adults, we know she's a child. She's learning how to process emotions. I feel that as adults, we would all benefit from getting on the floor and crying and having a temper tantrum sometimes. Maybe not necessarily in public, in the middle of a grocery store, but if that's what truly is happening for someone, we can do it in a way that is a safe space and a safe container that allows us to process the emotions in a way that's healthy. It also prevents the spiraling out of this emotion is truly what is true when it's really not.

So the practice to have in place whenever you have emotions that come up is to not run away from them, to not wait on acknowledging them. "I'll do that when I get home. I'll do that later." Don't do that. You want to process the emotion at that particular moment in time, and I think that sometimes people think that that requires a lot of time, and it doesn't. It really doesn't. What you want to do is acknowledge, "Oh, I'm feeling scared right now. Where is that coming from?" And by getting curious about the emotion, acknowledging what the emotion is, and then getting curious about where it's coming from, you'll get a better understanding of what's happening.

And let's say you explore it, and you're like, "Man, I still don't feel good about this situation," then that's when you get an opportunity to talk to the person or the people that are in the situation to have another perspective. When we have tunnel vision, and we only have one perspective on the situation, it can create certain feelings that aren't necessarily true. When we get the whole story or we get another piece of the puzzle, then we have an opportunity to see if that emotion is truly fact or not. And the more that you get curious about your emotions, the easier it is to release past trauma from the cells.

Then it also gives you an opportunity to really start to shift your reality into the reality that you're truly desiring. Because you're not operating from the past, you're operating from the present. And my idea of I want to widen my perspective, and it's almost as if I'm looking out into a beautiful field in nature. Can I allow my perspective to go wider than 180 degrees? And from the human eye, that's kind of not possible, right? But if we give ourselves energetically the ability to see beyond the narrow perspective that we have and allow more perspective to come in, allow more empathy, more compassion to come in, it allows us to process things from a new position versus an old position and an old way of being.

And that's empowerment. That's truly, truly stepping in your power and going, "I have the ability to transform an emotion that is not serving me in such a healthy way. I have the ability to shift out of fearful thinking and into a way that I feel empowered to be in relationship in a different way." And it's a domino effect that happens when we look at our emotions in this particular way. It's also super empowering because you're not running from the emotion; you're going, "I get to be with this emotion because I'm not afraid to be with it. And I know that when I be with it, that I'm with it, and I sit with it, and I'm experiencing it. I'll get to experience it in the appropriate amount of time that it takes for me to process it and let it go so that I can choose a different emotion, a different feeling, a different perspective."

And then you get to really start seeing the changes that happen. It's truly beautiful, and it's so empowering. So remember, emotions are not facts. Emotions are not facts. Sometimes our emotions lie to us, and it's important to be with them and to sit with them, to transform them, to create something that's truly empowering.

So I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Please make sure you like and subscribe. Share this with a friend. I look forward to seeing you in the next one. Bye.

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