Episode 37: Accepting the Things You Cannot Change

Episode 37: Accepting the Things You Cannot Change

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If there’s one thing that is certain about life is that it is always changing! Every day presents us an opportunity to look at the things we cannot control and find ways to make those unplanned changes work for us!

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ACCEPTING THE THINGS YOU CANNOT CHANGE

Most of us start our day, or even the whole week, with a plan. We know what we need to do, when we will do it, and how the course of our time will go. But inevitably, at some point, something will change. This change can cause frustration and stress or become an opportunity to adapt and reset our situation for the highest good!

Let’s discuss some healthy ways to navigate through accepting the things you cannot change as they come up in your day-to-day life.

There are several steps to take when change occurs that could disrupt a carefully planned schedule:

  • Identify the things you have control over.
  • Be present and breathe to gain a new perspective.
  • Let go of the past.
  • Tackle your resistance to change.
  • Focus on the positive.
  • Don’t take things personally.
  • Find the compromise.
  • Practice patience.

 

I AM IN CONTROL

You cannot control every situation, nor can you control every outcome that life hands you. One of the most important steps to letting go of control is to identify what you do have complete control over at any given moment. The first and most important thing? Your reaction.

  • What is your reaction to this change?
  • How are you going to let this change affect you?
  • Are you committed to staying in a negative space when a change occurs that you didn’t want or that might cause a disruption in your day?

The truth is you do have a choice. You have 100% control of how you will react and how you will process the situation that isn’t going quite the way you planned. What can you do to reframe the problem, so you take back control in a way that serves your highest good?

If you stay in a state of negativity or heightened emotional response and don’t move out of that state, you’re only hurting yourself. So control what you can control and let go of the rest.

Accepting the things you cannot change is crucial to your soul’s evolution.

STAY PRESENT AND BREATHE

Anytime we have a change, it’s essential to take control of your breath and bring yourself back to this present moment. When change happens, we can fall into a state of gloom and doom, giving that change the power over an unknown future instead of accepting it’s genuinely only affecting a small moment in time.

Yes, change is hard. No, we can’t control every aspect of change. But we can control how we’re reacting. If we stay in the present moment and breathe, any negativity that wants to linger resets with the breath.

That does not mean you must ignore your disappointment or any other emotions. Acknowledge your feelings as they’re coming so you can accept, “Hey, this is my emotion. I’m upset.” Once you can look at the emotion and honor it, you can move to a place of seeing a different perspective. Sometimes we get so focused on how the situation is happening to us rather than the fact that it’s simply happening that we forget to see there are multiple perspectives to those situations.

When you have multiple perspectives on the situation, it allows you to have more compassion. If you are not giving yourself permission to look at various perspectives, you might spiral out of control or place blame where there is no blame to place.

THE PAST IS PASSED

Another thing you’ll want to consider when looking at change is to let go of the past. Sometimes we react with a trauma response because something happened to us in the past. We’re fighting hard to make sure that doesn’t happen to us again, so we react from a past situation versus the present situation.

Anytime you have to accept a change, especially one that feels uncomfortable, ask yourself if any of that discomfort comes from a previous experience. Separate the right now from what happened then so you can see the situation for what it is, not what you fear it could become. Letting go of the past frees you from the shackles the past tries to place on you every time you interact with it.

So how do you let go of the past? Make peace with it. You make peace with it and assert that the past is in the past. Accept that how you view the present moment is what’s going to create the future. Let go of the past. You’re only hurting yourself when you hold on to it.

How you view the present moment is what’s going to create the future.

DON’T RESIST THE CHANGE

The next thing to consider is letting go of resistance to change. So often, when we see a change on the horizon that we cannot control, our bodies and energy get super restricted. Everything pulls in and locks up.

This restriction could be due to our emotions or still trying to hold onto control of the situation. So we pull and constrict our energy in the act of resistance to this change. Instead of resisting the change, this is an opportunity to breathe again and acknowledge your feelings, “You know what? I’m disappointed about this, but what other options do I have available?”

Give yourself permission to be creative. Give yourself permission to step away from this situation. When you find yourself resisting change, say, “You know what? I can feel myself constricting. I feel my energy pulling inward. I’m going to take a breath. I’m going to step back.”

I like to physically step back with my body or in my mind’s eye. I step back from the situation, so I no longer participate in the resistance. Stepping back is a reset for me that allows other options to start to come into my awareness. If I stay resistant, those options will not make themselves known or clear while I’m stuck in the negativity of the situation.

FIND THE POSITIVE

Anytime you have a change, you want to focus on the positive. Yes, it’s okay to vent. Yes, it’s okay to say, “You know what? I’m upset about this. I don’t like this. This is ridiculous.” Give yourself a moment to vent. Give yourself a moment to let it all out. That’s where uncensored journaling comes in.

Once you get that all out, then focus on the positive. Ask yourself:

  • How is this change going to support you in the long run?
  • How will this change gift you with opportunities?
  • What blessing am I receiving within this change?

When my schedule changed at the last minute, I took a moment to feel the frustrated feelings. But then I quickly saw how my day had now opened up and would allow me to get so many things done that would free up the rest of my week! If I had resisted the change and then if I had sat there and been negative, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to realize, “Hey. This change will support me later this week, and it will be so much fun, which is great.”

The positive might not be evident initially, but something good will always come from change. Change is inevitable. How can you allow your perspective to shift to positivity on what blessings you will receive from this change? When you do that, you’ll raise your vibration and start seeing through a different lens.

Something good will always come from change.

IT’S NOT PERSONAL

When accepting things you cannot change, it’s also essential not to take it personally. Yes, it might be a very personal situation, but sometimes we take things too personally because it feels like the change is happening to us. When we have that perspective, it can be hard not to take it personally.

We want to shift away from tunnel vision that only sees our vantage point and look at the situation as a whole. We must ask ourselves how we can let go of any personal attachments that make this change feel like a personal attack.

If you find that you are taking something personally, take a moment to step back and come into the present moment.

  • See where you can find some compassion in the situation.
  • Consider any attachments to the past that may be causing you to feel personally attacked.
  • How could this relate to something from your past that makes you feel this way?

When you ask yourself these questions, you can get a clearer picture of why something feels personal when it’s not.

When we don’t take things personally, it allows us to move on from the situation much quicker.

MEET IN THE MIDDLE

Another option you have is to find a compromise. If you’re in a situation with someone and things will change, where can you compromise with them? Where can you find something that feels good to both of you? Where can you find something good within yourself that allows you to find the compromise with change? Sometimes just having that internal dialogue with ourselves will help us to see where we are willing to compromise and fix the situation.

Compromise is key in any situation, especially if you’re having a disagreement with someone or you find it difficult with the change. It’s essential, no matter what, in any given situation or conversation with someone, to find the middle ground, so you both feel heard and seen.

You have to be willing to compromise just as much as the other person has to be ready to compromise. It always takes two to tango, so make sure you are willing to compromise in terms of the change that you cannot control.

PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

Lastly, have patience. It’s important to practice patience when accepting the things you cannot control. You’re going to have good days. You’re going to have bad days. You’re going to have indifferent days. Whatever it is, patience is required.

Practice patience when looking at change, and you’re having a hard time with it.

  • Be patient with yourself.
  • Be patient with the situation.
  • Be patient with your emotions.
  • Be patient with your reactions.

It’s crucial to practice patience throughout your life because things can change when we have the patience to allow those changes to occur. Patience is required when it comes to being in the present moment. It is key when it comes to change. Can you gift yourself with patience? I hope you can because you deserve it.

No matter what, change is going to happen. So control what you can control. Let go of the rest, and remember to practice patience. Practice being in the present moment, and most importantly, have compassion for yourself and others.

Allowing yourself some patience when you are in a heightened state of emotion can bring you back to center.

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Full transcription of the episode:

Hello, everyone. I’m so excited for today’s episode. Before we begin, make sure you sign up for our Soul Evolution Masterclass series. I’m going to be doing a full five-day magical journey where we’re going to talk about manifesting. We’re also going to talk about the Akashic records and so much more. You can find the link in the show notes to sign up. It’s absolutely free and there will be replays available as well. So let’s begin.

Today, I actually did not plan on recording the podcast. I had a completely different day planned out and it completely changed. Everything completely exploded and went in a completely different direction. And I was like, “What am I supposed to be doing right now? I’m really upset that this is all changing and I don’t have any control over the situation. And I’m upset.”

So today I’m going to talk to you about accepting the things you cannot change because I think this is a really important thing in our soul’s evolution because we have things, we have curveballs that get thrown at us all throughout the year. And it’s how we adapt to those curveballs and how we accept changes that we cannot change. And so I want to talk to you about what those steps are. If you find yourself in that situation. And I believe step number one, or I don’t even think it’s a step, it’s more like here are the main things to consider when curveballs are thrown at you when you have to accept change.

And that first one is control. What is able to be controlled? You cannot control every situation. You can’t control every single outcome. You only have control over the things that you can control. Sometimes there are situations where there’s nothing more to do but only look at the things that you can control. And one of those things is your reaction. What is your reaction to this change? What is your reaction to how you’re going to allow it to affect you? If you stay in a state of negativity or victimhood or super upset, super angry, whatever it is, sad, disappointed, and you don’t get out of that state, you’re only hurting yourself. So control what you’re able to control and let go of the rest.

The next thing to consider is being in the present moment and breathing. Anytime we have change occur, it’s really important to take control of your breath. It’s also really important to stay present in the moment. Sometimes when change happens, we can go off into a gloom and doom future and we don’t want to look at a doom and gloom future. Yes, change is hard. Yes, we can’t control every aspect of change, but we can control how we’re reacting. And if we stay in the present moment and breathe, any negativity that is wanting to percolate to the surface will be reset with the breath.

That does not mean you don’t have the right to be disappointed. That does not mean that you don’t have the right to be upset or angry or whatever emotion that is arising to the surface. Acknowledge your emotions as they’re coming so that you can accept that, “Hey, this is my emotion. I’m upset.” I know this morning I was upset, but I couldn’t do anything about what was happening. All I could do was go, “Hmm. Let me take a moment to breathe and just be in my body for a moment.” And then the next thing I did is I went to looking at multiple perspectives in this situation. Sometimes we get so fixated on what’s happening to us versus the entire situation that we have to have multiple perspectives in the situation.

When you have multiple perspectives in the situation, it allows you to have more compassion, have a deeper understanding of what’s occurring. It also allows you to stay in a state of peace or deep understanding where if you are not giving yourself permission to look at multiple perspectives, you might spiral out of control or you might place blame where there is no blame to place.

Another thing that you’ll want to consider when you’re looking at change is to let go of the past. Sometimes we respond in a trauma response because something happened to us in the past and so we’re fighting hard to make sure that doesn’t happen again to us. And so we react from a past situation versus what’s the present moment situation. And so anytime you’re looking at change and you have to accept the change, let go of the past because it will free you from the shackles that the past has placed upon you if you continue to interact with it. So how do you let go of the past? Make peace with it. You make peace with it and you know that the past is in the past. And how you view the present moment is what’s going to create the future. And so let go of the past. You’re only hurting yourself when you hold on to it.

The next thing to consider is letting go of resistance to change. I think so often when a change is about to occur that we cannot control, all of a sudden, our body, our energy gets super restricted. So everything pulls in. And this could be due to emotions. It could be due to wanting to control the situation. And so we pull and we constrict our energy. And so then we resist the change that’s about to occur. So instead of resisting the change that you have no control over, take a breath and then acknowledge like, “You know what? I’m disappointed about this, but what other options do I have available?” Give yourself permission to be creative. Give yourself permission to step away from this situation. So when you are resisting change, say, “You know what? I can feel myself constricting. I feel my energy pulling inward. I’m going to take a breath. I’m going to literally step back.”

I like to actually physically step back with my physical body or in my mind’s eye. I step back from the situation so that I’m not participating in the resistance anymore. It’s almost like a reset for me. And then when I have that reset and I continue to breathe, other options start to come into my awareness. If I’m resisting, those options will not make themselves very clear or very known because I’m focusing only on the negativity, which is another point that I have.

Anytime you have a change, you want to focus on the positive. Yes, it’s okay to vent. Yes, it’s okay to go, “You know what? I’m upset about this. I don’t like this. I don’t like that. I don’t care for this. This is ridiculous.” Whatever it is. Give yourself a moment to vent. Give yourself a moment to let it all out. That’s where uncensored journaling comes in. And then once you get that all out, then focus on the positive. How is this change going to support you in the long run? What is this change going to gift you the opportunity with? So for me, it’s awesome. My change this morning is allowing me to do this episode, which then I’ll be in episode ahead, so then I don’t have to worry about doing it later this week, which is great. So my positivity looks, the way that I spun the situation is, “Oh! I can go and get some work done. I have some stuff that I want to get done, and now I don’t have to do it later. So then this will actually allow me to have a little bit of time off later this week where I can get some personal errands done. I’m so excited.”

If I would have resisted the change and then if I would have sat there and been negative, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to go, “Hey. This is going to support me later on this week, and it’s going to be so much fun, which is great.” Is everything going to always be obvious in terms of whether this is going to be positive? The positive might not be obvious in the beginning, but something good will always come from change. Change is inevitable. Something good will always come from change. And so how can you allow your perspective to shift to positivity on what’s going to be blessed from this change? And when you start doing that, you’ll raise your vibration and start seeing through a different lens.

When it comes to accepting things that you cannot change, it’s also really important not to take it personal. And yes, it might be a very personal situation, but sometimes we take things so personal when it comes to change because oftentimes most of us will have the perspective that it’s happening to us. And when we have that perspective, it can be really hard not to take it personal. So we want to shift away from how can I look at this as it’s the betterment of the whole. How can I let go of any personal attachments or I feel how can I let go of any personal attachments to this change where I feel like it’s a personal attack on me?

When you ask yourself these more challenging, difficult, harder questions, you might be surprised what the answer is. I know for me when everything happened this morning, I could have gone, “Oh my goodness, this is going to affect my entire day. I can’t believe this is happening.” But in reality, there was nothing I could do about the situation. The person that I was supposed to meet today, we were supposed to do some stuff today for my business. There’s nothing that she could do either and that’s okay. If I would have taken it personal, I would have probably spent an entire hour just sulking and feeling like I was being attacked. I don’t have time for that, I really don’t. But I do have time to get some work done and get some other stuff done. And so I feel like when we don’t take it personal, it allows us to move on from the situation much quicker.

If you do find that you are taking it personal, I would take a moment to step back and come into the present moment and see where you can find some compassion in the situation. Also, see if you are attaching yourself to anything in the past that’s causing you to feel like this is a personal attack on you. Or if you are taking it personal, how are you taking it personal, and how does it relate back to something in the past of yours? Because if you ask these questions as well, you might get a better, clearer understanding of what it is that’s going on as well.

Another option you have is to find the compromise. Where can you compromise? If you’re in a situation with someone and things are going to change, where can you compromise with them? Where can you find something that feels good to both of you? Where can you find something good within yourself that allows you to find the compromise with change? Sometimes it’s just having that internal dialogue with ourselves and where we can find the compromise as well. Compromise is key in any situation, especially if you’re having a disagreement with someone or you find it difficult with the change.

It’s really important, no matter what, in any given situation or conversation with someone, it’s important to find the middle ground so you both feel heard and seen. You have to be willing to compromise just as much as the other person has to be willing to compromise. It always takes two to tango, so make sure are you willing to compromise in terms of the change that you cannot control.

And lastly, patience. Patience is a virtue. This is something I say to my daughter all the time. It’s so important to practice patience when it comes to accepting the things that you cannot control. You’re going to have good days. You’re going to have bad days. You’re going to have indifferent days. Whatever it is, patience is required. So practice patience when you are looking at change and you’re having a hard time with change, be patient with yourself. Be patient with the situation. Be patient with your emotions. Be patient with your reactions. It’s really important to practice patience in general throughout your entire life because things can change when we have the patience to allow those changes to occur.

Patience also is required when it comes to compromise. Patience is required when it comes to being in the present moment because you might be elevated or heightened. Your senses, your energy, and your emotions might be really heightened. And you’ll have to have a little patience to allow yourself to come back to center. Patience is key when it comes to change. So can you gift yourself with patience? I hope you can because you deserve it.

And no matter what, change is going to happen. So control what you can control. Let go of the rest. Practice patience. Practice being present, and most importantly, have compassion for yourself and for others. I think you’re amazing. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I’m sending you lots and lots of love.

I hope to see you in the Soul Evolution Masterclass series that is happening on August 22 through the 26th of 2022. I look forward to seeing you soon. Bye.

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