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In this episode, I explore the complex and unpredictable journey of grief, which can arise from many life transitions, not just the loss of a loved one. I share my personal experience with grief, particularly the numbness stage, and emphasize the importance of embracing all emotions that come with it. I also highlight the value of seeking support through counselors, coaches, or healers to help navigate this deeply personal process.
Grief is an inevitable part of our human experience.
It’s gut-wrenching and complex.
It can be full of anger, full of rage, numbness, and bargaining.
It can be full of all sorts of different things.
But one of the most important parts of grief is acceptance.
We can grieve all sorts of different things.
We can grieve a lost loved one.
We can grieve the loss of a job or a transition.
Even if we want that transition, there can still be grief that comes with it.
We can have grief around turning older.
I know that one of my nieces, when she was three, was so sad because she wasn’t going to be three again.
She wanted to be three forever and didn’t want to get older.
Grief can truly be anything.
We grieve all sorts of different things, each in our own way.
Recently, I lost one of my loved ones, and right now, I find myself in the denial stage—that place of numbness.
I’m numb, and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way.
I’m hoping to get through sharing this without crying because grief is so complex.
When we feel numb, it can be incredibly hard.
We might question, What’s wrong with me? Why am I not more upset?
Or we might think, I have to hold it together. I can’t accept that this has happened.
Sometimes, numbness sets in because we feel like we need to be the strong one for our family, to keep up a front, or to “put on this perfect picture show.”
Whatever the reason, in that denial stage, I think of it as the “numbness stage.”
The five stages of grief are well known, but for me, denial feels very different than numbness.
Numbness is knowing we’ve lost someone and feeling the love we have for them—but it just doesn’t feel real yet.
Moving through grief is a layered journey.
I recognize that part of me resists moving into the next stage: anger.
Anger is deeply complex.
It’s not just an emotional reaction; it can be a confusing tangle of feelings, where one can feel mad about the transition, bewildered about why that person left, or upset about an unexpected change.
Sometimes I find myself questioning, Why am I angry when I chose to take this path?
Or why does it frustrate me when something isn’t working as it should?
These feelings often surface during times of grieving, unearthing not only present frustrations but also anger from the past—old emotions that want to be felt and released.
Anger, for me, is truly transformative.
I see it as the fire element at its purest, helping to transmute what no longer serves me.
While it’s challenging to go from a state of numbness to anger, I’ve learned to give myself permission to take that time, letting this fire transform what I am ready to release.
Anger can look different for each of us.
It might emerge as a sharp tone, raised voices, or even self-directed frustration in ways that aren’t always obvious.
Recognizing and embracing anger as part of the grief process is essential.
Allowing ourselves to feel anger, as well as the other emotions it may bring up, creates space for healing.
Moving into the bargaining stage, we often encounter those if only thoughts.
If only I had visited them sooner, or If only I’d chosen differently.
It’s worth noting that while these stages might follow a pattern, they’re not linear.
Some days, I find myself cycling through numbness, anger, and bargaining, sometimes within hours.
While I may not be deeply immersed in each phase, there’s a flow to it, and the if-only statements have a way of surfacing, especially in this bargaining stage.
As we move through the bargaining stage, it’s natural to encounter feelings of guilt and shame.
These emotions can surface around actions taken—or not taken—and they can feel overwhelming.
I want to normalize this part of the journey.
I, too, wrestled with a lot of if only statements before my loved one passed away, replaying choices I didn’t make.
My intuition had nudged me to visit, to reach out, to connect in those last few weeks, yet I held back, too tired to follow through.
When the call finally came, the weight of those choices felt crushing.
This stage can bring forward a lot of self-judgment, guilt, and shame.
And it’s okay to feel these things; in fact, it’s perfectly normal.
Making peace with these feelings, and allowing them to exist, can be a crucial part of healing.
Then there’s depression, which often follows.
Depression in grief isn’t something to be shaken off—it’s about giving yourself the space to feel the depth of your sadness, to truly sit with what arises.
This stage may also be the time to seek support, to find ways to let others in, so that you can eventually find yourself moving toward acceptance.
Depression within grief is especially complex, layered with emotions that sometimes defy understanding.
One of my teachers once shared a thought that deeply resonated with me: “Amy, depression for you is a cry for creativity.”
I’ve come to see how true this is—even in grief, the soul yearns to create, to express.
That urge to create can help guide us through the heaviness of depression, revealing ways to move with and through the pain.
Then, there’s acceptance—the final stage, though not a permanent one.
Acceptance involves acknowledging the loss, recognizing the shift, and gradually embracing a new way of life.
However, grief doesn’t follow a simple linear path; these stages can cycle through at unexpected moments.
When I feel a resurgence of sadness, numbness, anger, guilt, or shame, it’s a sign to turn inward, to pause and sit with whatever arises.
Grief asks us to journey within, to sit with the parts of ourselves that want to be seen and felt, allowing us to honor the full spectrum of emotions that surface along the way.
Grief often stirs the urge to escape, to avoid facing its weight.
Yet, fully embracing these emotions can be transformative, offering healing through the grieving process itself.
It’s essential, I believe, to reach out to those who can hold space for this journey—counselors, healers, grief coaches, or therapists.
Grief is deeply personal and intricate, and sometimes support is necessary to navigate it.
When everything unfolded for me, I leaned into my support system, allowing myself to openly discuss my experience.
Pretending it didn’t happen would have dishonored my feelings, so I chose instead to face it, speaking about my grief rather than concealing it.
But if you find yourself in that place of avoidance, know that it’s okay, too.
That’s part of the process, and it’s important to honor where you are.
For me, talking about my grief has been a healing act, bringing greater peace and resilience over time.
Grief isn’t always tied to loss by death.
It can emerge in everyday transitions, like a loved one moving to a different state, stirring feelings of loss even before they leave.
This process, this journey of letting go, reminds us that grief can arrive in any season, and it deserves to be felt, expressed, and ultimately embraced.
Grief isn’t always immediate; it can emerge before a loved one even leaves us.
Whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a coworker facing a life-threatening illness, the process of letting go often begins before they pass.
This anticipatory grief is layered and intricate—a reminder of just how complex grief truly is.
I encourage you to recognize these stages as they arise and to give yourself the grace to feel them.
Personally, this time of year often stirs up sadness, as it marks the anniversaries of losses I’ve endured.
The passing of my loved one during this season is another reminder of life’s cyclical nature.
As I move through these stages of grief, I know I must honor what feels healthy for my body, my mind, and my soul.
Grieving, after all, is not a process we can bypass.
If we don’t make space for it ourselves, the universe, God, or creation will inevitably create that space for us.
In the end, grief is a profound part of life, one that asks us to walk through it with openness, to let it change us, and to remind us of the depth of love and connection we carry within.
And so I want to be a willing participant in it, and I’m going to give myself grace and compassion.
If you are in the middle of a grieving process, I feel you.
I see you, and you will get through this.
Sending you a big hug.
With love and blessings,
Amy Robeson
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Hey, Amy Robeson here. Thank you for joining me on this podcast where we talk about spirituality, the awakening process, mental health, and so much more. Join me weekly to get your weekly dose of spirituality and medicine. I look forward to seeing you on the inside. Hello, everyone, and welcome to today’s episode. I’m so excited you are here. Let’s talk about grief. Grief is an inevitable part of our human experience. It’s gut-wrenching, it’s complex, It can be full of anger. It can be full of rage numbness and bargaining. It can be full of all sorts of different things. But one of the most important things that is a part of grief is acceptance. We can grieve all sorts of different things. We can grieve a lost loved one. We can grieve the loss of a job or a transition. Even if we want that transition, there can still be that grief that can come with it. We can have grief around turning older. I know that one of my nieces, when she was three, was so sad because she wasn’t going to be three again, she wanted to be three forever, and she didn’t want to get older.
And so grief can be anything. We grieve all sorts of different things. And for me, I just recently lost one of my loved ones, and I’m in the denial stage, and that is numbness. I’m numb, and I haven’t felt that feeling in a really long time. And I’m going to try to go through this episode without crying, but I wanted to share this because I think that grief is so complex. And when we are numb, it can feel really hard. It can feel like, What’s wrong with me? Why am I not so upset about this? Or, I got to keep it together because I don’t want to accept that this happened. Or it’s maybe you have to keep it together because you feel like you’re the person who’s strong in your family, or you have to put on this perfect picture show. Whatever the case is when we’re in that denial stage, I like calling this the numbness stage because there are five stages of grief. I find that for me, denial feels very different than numbness. And numbness for me, is like, I know that we have lost this person, and I love this person.
And I’m not denying that that’s not happened. However, I’m denying myself the opportunity to go where I need to go in the next stage of grief, and that is anger. Anger is super complex because someone can be mad about that person leaving mad about that transition or super confused. Why do I have this anger when I choose to do this thing? Or why am I angry because something’s not working and you’re grieving it? There’s anger that’s involved with it. Sometimes the anger process can bring up old anger from many moons ago, from other things that you have grieved in the past that want to be brought up to the surface also to be felt. And the reason why they come up to the surface to also be felt is because there’s an opening for that. Inger is super transformative. I feel like it is the fire element at its finest. And when we bring that fire element in, it can support in transmuting what is no longer necessary for you to hold on to. And I find that it is okay if it takes you a while to go from numbness to anger.
And also, anger looks different for everyone. Anger can be getting snippy. Anger can be shouting. Anger can be taking it out on yourself in different ways. There are so many different ways that we can show up angry. And it’s really important to recognize and understand that this is a part of the grief. Process, and to give yourself permission to actually feel the anger that wants to be felt and to feel the other feelings that want to be felt as well. Now, let’s talk about the next stage, and that’s the bargaining stage. And this is when you usually make statements or someone makes statements, If only, if only I was able to go see that person, or if only I made a different decision, or if only. Please note that while I’m talking about these stages in order, I find that sometimes I can be numb, and sometimes I can be angry, and sometimes I can be making if only statements all on the same day. But I’m not fully immersed in one exact stage, except for maybe the beginning stage at this moment in time. With the bargaining stage, this is where the if-if-only statements come in.
I find that there’s a lot of guilt and shame that comes with this stage where you may be feeling guilty or shameful for not taking or taking certain actions. And this is a normal stage to be in. I want to normalize this. I know for me, there were a lot of if only statements that I went through before my loved one passed away because I was really beating myself up for not taking certain actions before I got the phone call because my intuition told me that I was supposed to go and see and visit and do certain things the month prior, and I didn’t because I was tired. And so this bargaining stage can come forward where we’re like, oh, there’s a lot of guilt and a lot of shame that is wrapped up in this. And so know that That is perfectly normal, and it’s okay to make peace with it. It really, really is. It definitely is. The next stage is depression. And so you feel depressed. Depression is complicated because it’s not about shaking yourself out of something. It’s giving yourself permission to feel and to be with what you’re feeling and to give yourself permission to get help if necessary so that you can move into acceptance.
Depression is complicated. Depression I think is really, when it comes to grief, very, very complex. I’m just going to share this statement that one of my teachers shared with me when I first got a reading from her, and that she said, Amy, depression for you is a cry for creativity. And I think that’s true. Even when you’re grieving, your soul wants to create, and how it creates can assist you in the depression that you may be feeling. And then the last stage is acceptance. And this is acknowledging the loss that you’ve had or the transition you’ve gone through and moving into this acceptance of a new way of life. Acceptance can come and you can start the cycle of grief over at random times. For me, I think that when I am grieving, when I notice I’m starting to feel sad, or when I notice that I’m feeling numb, or I notice that I’m feeling angry, or I notice that I have some guilt or shame, or I’m depressed about what happens or what happened, I know that it’s time for me to journey inward, and it’s time for me to sit within myself and sit with what wants to be looked at.
Oftentimes, we want to run away from these things instead of running and allowing ourselves to fully embrace them. And when we fully embrace them, it can assist in the grieving process itself. I also think that it’s really important for people to talk to counselors or healers or grief coaches or grief therapists just because grief is such a complex thing, and sometimes it’s necessary to receive help around I know that for me when everything happens, I leaned into my support systems, and I gave myself permission to fully talk about it and not pretend like it didn’t happen. Because if I pretended like it didn’t happen, I would have been dishonoring myself. And please note, if you are in that stage of pretending like it didn’t happen, that’s okay, too. That’s a part of your process. I know for me, on a healthy that the more I learn to talk about things, the healthier and the better I feel about whatever it is that I am going through. Note that grief can happen at any time. You can have a loved one who is moving to a different state, and you can be grieving before they actually move.
You could have a best friend, or you can have a family member, or you can have a colleague or coworker that’s dying. Maybe they have cancer, or maybe they have something that they might transition to, and there’s grief that can happen before they actually pass away. Grief is so complex. It’s so, so, so complex. I want to just encourage you to understand and recognize what the stages are and to give yourself grace when you recognize that you are in a stage of grief. I know me, I always get sad around this time of year because I’ve had other loved ones pass away this time of year. And so it’s interesting that my loved one also passed away at this time of year. And so it’s interesting. It’s complex. It’s a part of life. And I know for me, I have to eventually move into acceptance, and I got to go through the stages, and I will go through the stages in the way that feels healthy for my body, and healthy for my mind, and healthy for my soul. And if I don’t make this space, The universe, God, and creation are going to make the space for me.
And so I want to be a willing participant in it, and I’m going to give myself grace and compassion. I do have a grief downside Download that you can listen to if you’d like. It’s in our sacred gifts. It clears 10 years’ worth of grief. I might make a new one. If you want me to make a new one, comment on the video on YouTube or send us an email saying, Hey, I want a new grief one. We have over 20 plus free healings in our sacred gifts that you can go out and take a look at. You can also go to theamyrobeson.com/free. T-h-e-a-m-y-r-o-b-e-s-o-n.com/free. You can sign up for our free sacred gifts and also check out whatever shows that we have coming up that are live experiences as well. So thank you so much for joining me. Let me know what your biggest takeaway was. I would love to hear from you, and I’m just sending you all a big, gigantic hug. If you are in the middle of a grieving process, I feel you. I feel you. I see you, and you will get through this. Sending you a big hug.
Bye.
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