Episode 161:Navigating the Healing Journey: Overcoming Regrets and Resentments

Hey, Amy Robeson here. Thank you for joining me on this podcast, where we talk about spirituality, the awakening process, mental health, and so much more. Join me weekly to get your weekly dose of spirituality and medicine. I look forward to seeing you on the inside. Hello, and welcome to today’s episode. I’m so excited you are here. I was having a fascinating conversation with one of my really good friends. We just took a journey inside the Akashic Records and did some healing work. After we had done this healing work, we shared with each other what had happened. The conversation I found interesting because we were talking about regrets, and we moved into resentment. So, I thought this would be a great podcast episode to talk about because I think so often people mistake regrets versus resentment or resentment versus regrets. And so I thought it would be cool to break down regrets and resentment and how to heal it.I was having a fascinating conversation with one of my really good friends. We just took a journey inside the Akashic Records and did some healing work. After we had done this healing work, we shared with each other what had happened. The conversation I found interesting because we were talking about regrets, and we moved into resentment. So, I thought this would be a great podcast episode to talk about because I think so often people mistake regrets versus resentment or resentment versus regrets. And so I thought it would be cool to break down regrets and resentment and how to heal it. Hey, friend. I want to invite you to something super special. Our doors are wide open for the DNA Awakening Accelerator. This is a powerful program. We activate 24 strands of your DNA, and we restructure it.

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All right, friend, let’s jump back into the episode. So, let’s talk about regrets. So this friend of mine was sharing that she had some regrets and that her empowered future self decided to let go of some regrets. And when it was my turn to share what I received, I shared that my empowered future self had let go of resentments of not being able to be a kid growing up. And this is huge. And I’m going to just a little side skirt here because I want to talk about this piece right here. When you do inner work, sometimes things come up that you were not expecting. And when they do come up, they can feel really big, and they can also feel super deflating. So, for example, you might have something come up where you’re like, oh, my God, I’ve already worked on this. Why am I getting this again? This is so silly. I don’t want to do it. That’s true. However, there’s a reason why the next layer is coming up. This does tie back into regrets, and this does tie back into resentment because sometimes something might come up over and over and over and over again until you have gotten down to the root cause of why that is still coming up for you to take a look at.

So for me, when I got this very clear black-and-white statement that it was time for me to let go of being resentful for not being able to be a kid growing up, I was like, oh, That packs a big punch. That packs a huge punch because I have worked a lot on my childhood trauma, and this is just one new layer to that childhood trauma. And I have been working a lot on anger, and a lot on acknowledging this emotion because I have shoved this emotion down so much as a kid, as a teenager, in my 20s, in my 30s. I shoved it down so much that my body was attacking itself because I was not willing to look at how angry I was. And what I mean by my body was attacking itself. A while back, I was having really bad skin issues, so bad that it looked like someone took a meat pounder to my hand because I had big, gigantic eczema patches all over my hands. And I kept getting that you’re angry. And I’m like, I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’ve done this work. I forgive.

I acknowledged why I was hurt. I’m not angry. I’m good. But I wasn’t good because my skin told a different story. My body, mind, and spirit were telling a different story. And that story was that I had so much anger and resentment pent up in my body that my physical body wasn’t going to let me get away with it anymore because it was going to push it out for me to see and to acknowledge and to let it go to heal it. And I couldn’t do that until I permitted myself to actually acknowledge that I was angry. And when I was talking to my friend, it’s easy for me now to talk a lot more about anger than it ever was in the past. And I feel like over the last four or five years, it’s become super easy for me to acknowledge, Hey, I’m angry about this, and here’s why. And I have a lot more courage to look at what I’m angry about and resentful about. But it takes a lot of courage and it takes a lot of work to get there.

And so, going back to my friend and I, we’re talking about our experiences in this healing journey that we did. And while we were talking, she said, while I was sharing about my resentment, she goes, Yeah. Like I said, I had a lot of resentment. I’m like, Whoa, wait a second. You said you had a lot of regret. She goes, Yeah, they’re the same thing. I go, Oh, no, they’re not. They’re not at all. Then we laughed about it because I broke down the difference between regrets and resentments. She goes, Oh, my gosh. I realized that I had been not willing to look at how resentful I was. And so it was a huge breakthrough for her. And so, what is the difference between regrets and resentment? Regrets are when you have a regret around a particular action or inaction that you chose or chose not to take. So, for example, let’s say you regret not going to your child’s soccer game because she was disappointed, and you feel guilty and ashamed around missing that moment, that chapter in your child’s life. And so you can have a regret around that. You can have a regret around not speaking up for yourself.

So let’s say someone was berating you, and they made you feel small, and you were too scared to speak up. And so you regret not speaking up, not protecting yourself, not defending yourself. There can be that regret. You can regret not taking action on your dream or desire. Regrets are the choices that you choose to make or not to make. While resentment is when you are angry, mad, disappointed, disenchanted, or frustrated by someone or something that happened. So, for example, maybe you and your spouse have all these tiny little bickermints all the time, and you are angry about those tiny little bickermints. You’re angry by your spouse’s actions or inactions, and you become resentful of that particular person. Resentment is very common in marriage. What’s unhealthy is when you don’t acknowledge that there is resentment, and the resentment builds, and builds, and builds, and builds, and builds, and builds, and builds, and builds, to the point where it’s not fixable anymore. Where resentment can also be the breeding ground for certain behaviors and certain revenge tactics. And so I’ll give you an example of what I mean. Let’s say a spouse decides to stay out late all the time.

And you’re resentful that the spouse is not coming home. They’re not taking time to spend with the kids, and you don’t feel important. And so you decide to teach this spouse a lesson. And so you get revenge. And I’m putting that in quotations. And maybe that revenge is not talking to them and giving them the silent treatment, or maybe It’s not making their lunch. It’s like there are so many different things on how someone can get revenge on someone else. And the thing is, we never want to get to a point where we want to take revenge. And I did a whole episode on this particular topic. I’ll link it in the show notes if you want to look at it. It’s a recent episode. I can’t think of the number off the top of my head. But regardless, resentment is not healthy. And what I mean by it’s not healthy, it is a healthy reaction to have resentment. It’s not healthy when you don’t resolve it when you don’t acknowledge it, when you don’t permit yourself to release yourself from the grips of resentment because what you end up doing is you end up hurting yourself and others around you.

For me, I have been working a lot with resentments, and this big thing that just came up for me to take a look at, I will be deep diving into that because that one’s really big because I wasn’t allowed to be a kid. I was a grown-up by the time I was six and seven. I could take care of myself. I didn’t need anybody. And that does bleed into different relationships because I’m so independent. But there’s this softening that wants to happen, this femininity that wants to happen, but it can’t happen unless I’m willing to look at those things. I recently took a big look at a big resentment that I had. This was a doozy. Let me tell you guys. It took me a long time to realize I was very resentful of a particular relationship that I adore. I kept having all of these thoughts of how unfair this relationship was, and I couldn’t figure out why I particularly felt that way until I was brutally honest with myself about why it felt unfair and why it felt uneven. I realized that I resent past behaviors that had happened eight years ago.
It’s so hard to look at something so old and be like, I’m still mad about that. I am. I’m still mad about that. I’m not mad about it anymore because I’ve done much work around it. But I had to be brutally honest with myself that I was still angry about it and that it was time to have the courage to look at it, admit it, and work through it. And working through it meant I had to have a conversation with this person so that I felt seen and heard, and they had an opportunity to acknowledge what I had been feeling, what I had been processing, and how it has been honestly impacting our relationship. And it was super healing, and it was super helpful. And I’m so happy I did this because it solved many problems. But it’s hard sometimes because you have to point the finger back at yourself, and you have to go, oh, my gosh, I can’t believe I’m still mad about that, or I can’t believe I’m not over this yet. And there’s nothing wrong with saying that you’re not over it and haven’t forgiven.

It’s been hard for you to move past it, and it’s okay. It’s perfectly okay. When it comes down to resentment, there are several things that you can do to heal. And there are things that you can do to heal regrets. One is for resentment and regrets, is you want to acknowledge. You want to acknowledge your feelings and have the courage to dive deeper into them. And by diving deeper into it and being brutally honest with yourself, you can open up the doors for healing. And so with regrets, having that acknowledgment, acknowledging what you regret and what action you’re going to take to solve the regret is going to be key. And so, for example, if you have a child and you’ve been missing the soccer game, and you feel regretful that you’ve had to miss those games, the action could be, I’m going to make sure I rearrange my schedule, take time off of work so I can be at that soccer game. Or it’s something that’s super old and nothing that you can necessarily fix, but you can find a workaround. So, for example, let’s say you didn’t get to say goodbye to a loved one that transitioned.

They died. And you’re like, I regret not being able to say goodbye. The workaround would be, I’m going to write this loved one a letter just to say I love you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to be there with you when you took your final breath. I adore you. And whatever else you want to say to this person, you can say this in the letter. You don’t even have to write a letter. You can just say it out loud. Just talk to their spirit, and their spirit will hear you, and they’ll be grateful for that. Maybe it’s something that you can’t figure out a solution for. You can just move into acceptance and just go, you know what? I regret that I lost my cool. And I accept that I lost my cool, and I will work on improving myself because maybe I lost it on a stranger in the subway. I don’t know. But you can’t go and find that person, but you can forgive your sofa losing your cool. So finding a way to move into acceptance, brutal honesty, choosing some actions, and forgiveness is going to be key when overcoming regrets.

Resentment is moving inward, being brutally honest with yourself about what you’re feeling and why you feel that way. Then, you have to give yourself permission, and this is going to be hard. I’m going to say this because it’s going to be like a gut punch sometimes. After all, you might be in the wrong. And that is asking yourself, were my expectations met? Were my expectations realistic? Because your expectations can be met and cannot be met. And sometimes, what you expect is unrealistic based on the circumstances, the person, the situation, the experience, whatever it is. Sometimes, we have entitlement. And when we have entitlement, we make up these big expectations. And it can be really hard to admit to yourself that, Hey, I think I set my expectations way too high on this. They were unrealistic. I’m going to move into forgiveness. You might find that you know what? My expectations were unmet, and I didn’t set the bar that high. I set the bar at a normal level. I set the bar at a realistic level. I set the bar slightly higher than usual, but that person or organization could have risen to the occasion to meet those expectations.

If you have found that you had unrealistic expectations, forgiveness, you got to move into forgiveness and then make peace with the situation because that person, those people, that organization, we’re never going to meet your expectations because they weren’t realistic. Now, if they were realistic, then you sit down and look at what I was expecting. What was I truly expecting? Because then you have the opportunity opportunity to acknowledge that your expectations weren’t met. And then you can also acknowledge that your emotional body, mind, soul, and inner child experienced anger, disappointment, or sadness because they weren’t met. Your needs were not met. And that’s okay. You get the opportunity to acknowledge that. And that is extremely healing sometimes because it’s like, you know what? I was expecting cherry ice cream, and I got vanilla. and I’m super disappointed because this is exactly what I wanted. And I’m using something so simple like ice cream. But the leading cause of divorce is expectations not being met. It’s not money. It’s not healthy. It’s not any of those things. Its expectations are not being met. When you get a clear understanding of those expectations, you give the other person an opportunity to meet those expectations or fall short of them.

But they can’t meet those expectations unless you share those as well. Expectations are interesting, and I like having friends or family members as a sounding board to ask them, Am I being unrealistic? Is this something that I should be okay with? Or is it okay that I’m setting the bar higher than what this person or organization delivers? And it’s interesting because when you do this, sometimes you receive a different perspective that you’ve never considered. You might get the. Yeah, I totally agree with you. But sometimes, just having that place to vent is helpful, too. The next thing with resentment is forgiveness. And you’ve heard me talk about forgiveness throughout this episode, but forgiveness is really important. When you permit yourself to forgive, you make space for more love to come into your life. And again, I’ve talked about this before. You do not have to be okay with that person’s or organization’s actions. Forgiveness is for yourself, not for the other person. It’s so that you don’t hurt yourself. And that’s really important. And there are layers of forgiveness. There are absolute layers of forgiveness.

For example, I talked about the relationship and the resentment that I was experiencing. I had already forgiven this person, but I hadn’t come to a true level of forgiveness. I realized that I was holding on to things that were really important for me to acknowledge, and to be seen, and to be felt, and to be heard, so that I could move into a new level of forgiveness. So I could free myself from that experience. So I could be okay with what happened. And it’s truly powerful when you permit yourself to admit what’s going on. The next step for healing resentment is going to be moving into gratitude. Gratitude is interesting because gratitude and forgiveness, I find, are really helpful in all healing situations. But this one can be creative, where it’s like, what am I grateful for? And so, for me, I’m grateful that I got to have an honest conversation. I’m grateful that I freed up space and anxiety. I let go of anxiety, and I let go of stress. I let go of the mental mind clutter that I had going on for a really long time because I got the opportunity to acknowledge and relax and release what was happening internally for me and make peace with it.

So I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful that it made space for me to heal. I’m grateful that I had this person willing to listen, receive, hear me, and hold me in a particular way that allowed us to heal from this situation. You can find the smallest thing to be grateful for. Also, there can be humor in it as well. One of the things that I adore when it comes to healing is finding laughter. And I don’t care how serious the situation is. And yes, there are very serious situations, but there can be humor because humor allows us to heal. And when there’s humor, it can soften the edges as well. And so, if you’re not sure what to be grateful for, what can you find that allows you to get a good laugh out of it, allows you to poke, allows you to let go of the situation? I know that my husband and I were having a conversation the other day, and in that conversation, It was a very serious conversation. He all of a sudden started making jokes about options that we had, and the options that he was sharing were outlandish, like super We were outlandish, but it allowed him to soften and to relax and to let go of what was happening and what was occurring so that we could just have a good laugh and move forward in the situation instead of just going back around and around in circles around what we were talking about.

And it was helpful. The last piece of resentment to heal it is to look inward. Your internal focus on yourself, how you want to be, and how you want to show up in the world is completely up to you. No one else can make you think the way you think. No one else can make you feel the way you feel. You have a choice to feel the way that you feel perceiving the way that you perceive, and it’s all about you. Taking an internal focus and giving yourself permission to really dissect your internal compass, really dissect your internal perceptions, really dissect your internal reality gives you the opportunity to free yourself and heal yourself from the mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical turmoil that you may be experiencing in and outside of your body. You are a powerful creator. You can heal resentment. You can heal regrets. Every decision you make allows you to fulfill part of or one aspect of your soul’s purpose and journey here on this planet. And it is okay if you take the long way around. It is okay if it takes you years to figure something out because that’s your journey.

That’s the decision you’re making. And every decision you make gets you closer to a deeper understanding of who you are, even if it’s the long way around. Because sometimes we have to bump our head against the wall 10 times before it finally clicks, and that’s perfectly okay. All right, my friends, I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. Please make sure you like, subscribe, and share this with a friend. I hope to see you in the next one. Bye.