Life is full of changes. Some are good, some are bad, but either way, sometimes we just can’t control the changes. Accepting the things we cannot change is crucial to our soul’s evolution. Adapting to the curveballs of life can help us grow spiritually. Let’s talk...
Join me and my husband, Kyle Robeson as we discuss life, spirituality, marriage, and his book, I Am in Control.
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SOUL CHATS WITH KYLE ROBESON
For my second “Soul Chats” episode, I have a very, very special guest, and yes, I may be biased. I sat down with Kyle Robeson, who doesn’t just share my last name by coincidence, but by marriage! Yep, this amazing man is not only the author of an amazing book, I Am in Control, but my husband, best friend, and cheerleader.
We sat down to talk about his book and how it came to be. We also talked about what it looks like when two people are both committed to growth and spiritual evolution but are traveling those paths in very different ways.
I AM IN CONTROL
I Am in Control. What’s that all about anyway? I asked Kyle to share a little bit about his book and why he felt compelled to write it. It was actually penned for his own personal use, to reflect back on all the lessons he had learned over the years and wanted to revisit for himself to continue his growth and commitment to his personal evolution.
So why DID he write I Am in Control?
“It was more or less accidental. I had been a bit of a self-help junkie since 18-19, years old and read all kinds of books, and attended professional seminars. One of the things that was important to me was to somehow log or document things that have worked in my life. So I sat down literally just started handwriting Cliff Notes, if you will, on different things that have worked for me so I could revisit it to kind of keep me on track and give me a compass.” - Kyle Robeson
WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET
One of the most powerful tools we have in our spiritual toolbox is visualization. As Kyle says, “Where your attention goes, grows.”
I love that! We are co-creating our reality, our experience, with every thought, every word, and every action we choose on a daily basis. And visualization gives us the practice, the dress rehearsal for how we want to direct our energies and ultimately, our intentions. Kyle uses visualization in such amazing ways and is living proof that there is power in our thoughts to create our heart’s desires.
“Visualization is very important and something I put a lot of focus on. I think that we have to be careful and mindful. Our mind is a blank canvas, and we hold the brushes. And what we want that to look like is something I spent a lot of time just sitting in. I try to visualize the outcome of how I want every appointment to go, every interaction, whatever, and then I go out to my day. That way I'm not reacting all day to things that come my way. I feel that it kind of has already put me in a good headspace and mindset to approach the day in the most effective way I know how.” - Kyle Robeson
Wow! That is so powerful! You hold the brushes. You paint the picture. You create the experience by understanding that even if something goes a little sideways, it’s your reaction to the situation that ultimately cements what the experience was, or can be, to you in your life.
FAITH OR FEAR? YOU DECIDE.
For Kyle Robeson, visualization is an important daily practice, but he admits he ramps it up during periods when he’s struggling and shares how it’s helped him along his journey and given him a really solid perspective on how perception really is everything.
“To be honest with you, I really kind of ramp it up when things aren't going well. If I'm stressed out or if I'm finding myself anxious or overwhelmed, that's kind of a ticker to myself that okay, hold on. Again, where my attention goes grows. So if I'm in a space of fear or doubt, that's not where I want to be so I will try to visualize the outcome of the situation. I always try to simplify everything. And so to me, it's extremely simple. If you think about the definition of fear is believing something is going to happen before it actually happens. The definition of faith is believing something will happen before it actually happens. So if neither one of them has actually happened yet, why not put all your mental energy into one that's going to have the best outcome?” - Kyle Robeson
Fear = believing something is going to happen before it actually happens
Faith = believing something is going to happen before it actually happens
Both of these are an investment in anticipating an outcome, one assumes a negative, and one assumes a positive.
We really do get to CHOOSE which “f-bomb” we want to operate with, in our lives.
How cool is THAT?
LESSON OR BLESSING?
Have you ever had a really, really, REALLY bad day? I guarantee 100% of those reading these words can answer with a resounding “YES!!” We can all picture, quite easily, and probably very recently, a day where it seemed like every possible thing that could go wrong, did, in fact, go very wrong.
But what if there was no such thing as a bad day? What if we categorized all the things we wish didn’t happen as lessons rather than “a bad day?” What if we neutralized every experience by acknowledging that each and every one of them was an opportunity for one of two things: gratitude or growth? As Kyle Robeson explains, mindset truly does matter.
“This is a mantra of mine. Whether it's a good day, a hard day, challenging day, whatever the case may be, I always thank God for the blessings and the lessons because they're one of the other. But when you frame it like that, no matter what happened, there's a benefit, there's a positive outcome. If things didn't go the way you wanted to. Well, hey, that's a lesson day.
"We all want everything to go beautifully where we can think ‘Oh, man, this is such a blessing today.’ And that happens too, but it's we frame it. if we have things that don't go quite as we anticipated, we can say, ‘Hey, I picked up the lessons here’, and we're going to be better for that. We're going to move into the next day, into the next chapter of our life, saying,’ Okay, I did all these things that didn't really work out, but I actually took the time to identify why it didn't work out. I thanked God for the lesson, and then I can move forward.’ And that alone will change that into a positive.” - Kyle Robeson
When we do have those character-building moments and character-building days, it allows us to shape our character, shape our lives, and shape our reality in whatever way, positive or negative. And so it's totally up to us, and we are in control of that destiny,
SPIRITUALITY - A WALK WE TAKE TOGETHER, DIFFERENTLY
Spirituality is such a beautiful, yet personal journey and it’s easy to contrast and compare our own with others. In matters of faith, it’s easy to believe someone else we admire has it all figured out or that they came from such a strong spiritual background, they got an early start on learning these lessons we are still trying to master. That’s simply not true. None of us “arrive” at spirituality. We grow into it and with it, every day, for the rest of our lives. Kyle Robeson’s journey to spirituality was thick with skepticism and curiosity, which he believes is the catalyst to amazing awakening possibility:
“I was not raised religious at all and was not in a religious household. When I was young. I wanted to know more. I wanted to get answers and I have tremendous faith and a very robust spiritual life. But I wouldn't say I'm overly religious. For me, it's something that has been a journey within. And I do believe in God. I do believe in a higher power and things of that nature. But the important part of that is, like I said before, just believing in something, having some direction, having some purpose, but also having the compassion and tolerance to understand that not everybody else has to believe the way you believe.
"When it comes to a spiritual walk, what I've learned in my life, is doubt is where research and understanding start. I'm naturally a skeptic and it's something that I work on all the time. But again, I take that as a blessing, because if I'm skeptical about something, it will initiate me to start researching it and dig into it.
"Don't worry about messing it up. Whether that's meditation, whether that's being inquisitive about a religion or a faith practice that you're interested in, go with it. But keep your options open. Keep your mind open to everybody. And if we're all being good human beings walking each other home, that's what we ultimately want; somebody that's compassionate, that loves us for who we are, no matter what we believe in, as long as it's not violent or hurting anybody, then do you. Do whatever works for you.” - Kyle Robeson
We are all on a journey. And we are all “walking each other home.” Compassion and an open mind will make the travels brighter and lighter!
SHOW ME THE MONEY
One of my favorite parts of Kyle’s book, I Am in Control, is the breakdown of money being totally neutral. Money is such a loaded topic and we all have certain beliefs surrounding it. Breaking those past limiting beliefs is one of the biggest keys to experiencing abundance and freedom from perpetual worry about finances:
“On the subject of money, I break down that money is not bad. It's not good. It's completely neutral. It's a tool. To me, it's simply a tool to have opportunities that you want in your life, whether that be freedom or travel or whatever the case may be. But as I point out in the book, you could take money confiscated from a drug dealer and build churches with it. You can also have a church that can fund a drug cartel. The money itself is neutral. It's simply a tool. And I think a lot of people, especially in the spirit realm, have some issues with money or they don't view it as what it really is. If we really boil it down, it is the incentive that we receive or the amount that we give.” - Kyle Robeson
Money is simply an exchange of energy! It’s neutral. And the universe is not withholding anything from you because of anything you have or have not done. It’s not good or bad. You are not good or bad. How could changing your mindset about money neutrality change your life right now?
AND THAT'S THE WAY I WANT IT!
In his book, I Am in Control, Kyle Robeson recalls a mentor from his early days, that truly made him think about the power of his words and the ability to either co-create lack or co-create abundance. This mentor gave him some incredible words of wisdom whenever he was stating to the universe, “I have no money!” He asked him to end every sentence with “and that’s the way I want it.” This was a life-changing moment where he realized that what he put out into the universe is what he got back.
“He was the one that told me ‘Kyle, there's never a money problem. There's only an idea problem.’ I'm so grateful that I had somebody like this in my life. I was saying things I did not want, and I almost kind of felt like I was a Monk sometimes because I didn't want to say anything because everything rolling around my head was negative, which was not what I wanted. And so I'd have to really force what I wanted this to be because you have an external and internal programmer.
"Your words are external and then your thoughts are internal. And it's hard. I mean, it's impossible to control all your thoughts. Our brains run through an incredible amount of thoughts every second. But I'm also a believer that we're not necessarily all of our thoughts, we are our actions. So you can have some negative thoughts that you can reconcile within, but it's what you actually act upon is who you truly are and where that's going to go out into the universe.” - Kyle Robeson
It’s important to feel your feelings and examine your thoughts, yes. But don’t let your negative thoughts become negative words that invite negative outcomes in your life. Remember, fear and faith are the same belief in something that hasn’t happened yet.
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Full transcription of the episode:
Hey, everyone, I'm super excited for today's special guest. He is my husband, and I'm super excited to have a conversation with him about his book, I Am In Control, and also have a conversation just around what it looks like to have a partner that may have different spiritual paths or different thoughts about spiritual practices. And we'll have a conversation about what that looks like as well. So hello!!
Kyle: Hello, how are you?
Amy: I'm great.
Amy: I'm excited you're here.
Kyle: Well, I'm excited to be here.
Amy: So I know that you wrote a self-help book, obviously.
Amy: Why did you write that book?
Kyle: So it was more or less accidental. My intention when I sat down to write the book, I was in my early thirties. I had been a bit of a self-help junkie since 18-19, years old and read all kinds of books, and attended professional seminars. One of the things that was important to me was to somehow log or document things that have worked in my life. And the important part about that was I didn't want anything that was theory or hypothetical or whatever. I wanted something that was tested, tried true that I actually put forth in my life that I saw success with. So I sat down literally just started handwriting Cliff Notes, if you will, on different things that have worked for me so I could revisit it, whether that be every quarter, semiannually, or whatever the case may be. It was really just to kind of keep me on track and give me a compass, if you will, on the direction I need to head. And that was the intention. That's what I sat down to do. Again, everything was handwritten, and I have you to thank for actually suggesting and nudging that I publish it.
I remember you had reviewed it and you said that basically to the fact that it's something that should be shared with the world, which you know me very well, is not something that I would do on my own. But anyway, I gave it more thought, and I did think, well, if it can help somebody and have an impact on somebody's life then it's worth it. And that's essentially what I did. But in the self-help space, the one thing that is a pet peeve of mine is there's a lot of regurgitation. So there's a lot of people that will rewrite things. I mean, success principles have been around since the existence of mankind. So there's not a whole lot of variables. But I wanted something that I actually did that worked for me and that brought me success in my professional and personal life. And that's essentially how it came about.
Amy: And the book is short and super easy to digest, and it's something that you wanted to have to review quarterly or semi quarterly, which I love because it's a very short book that helps you to remember that you're in control of your own destiny, you're in control of your own mindset, you're in control of your own spiritual path as well. And there's some different tips that you offer in the book. And one of the things that you talk about is the Law of Attraction. Let's talk about that.
Kyle: Sure. Yeah. And going back to reviewing these things and basically having a platform that I could go back to, it was essentially a conversation with myself. If I ever got off track, this is what I want to do. But the title itself is funny because when I first started sharing this and especially when I published it, it sounds kind of pretentious that I am in control. And as you read the book, you'll understand the meaning of that. We can't control much of anything when it comes to the outside world. What we can absolutely control is how we react to something. Our attitudes, reactions, and everything internally changes our outside world. So to me, that's where the title came from is really no matter what life throws at you, you are still, at the end of the day, in control of how you react to these situations. And that comes back to Law of Attraction. For me, Law of Attraction has been something that has been phenomenal in my life. I've seen a lot of results from it, and it's basically just putting into the universe what it is that you want. What are you trying to attract? Because where your attention goes grows. And that could be negative or positive.
Kyle: So it's very important to always have a vision of how you want your life to be spiritually, personally, professionally, from a family setting, wherever the case may be. And, you know, through the Law of Attraction, you know, it will find its way to you. And that's why that's so important.
Amy: And I love that you said, where your intentions go grows because so often we'll fester on the things that we don't want.
Amy: Or what's happening to us versus taking control of how we can react to what is actually happening to us because we can choose a different reaction, we can choose a different path. I also love that with The Law of Attraction, I also love bringing in, like, the Law of Vibration, because how we feel about something can also play into the Law of Attraction and how we're attracting it. And that also goes back to mindset as well. I love that you shared a study in the book around visualization and what that looks like.
Amy: Share a little bit of the importance of visualization for you.
Kyle: Yeah. So visualization is very important and something I put a lot of focus on. And I was actually just sharing with somebody the other day. It's funny. We just moved into a new house that we've been renovating for quite some time. And I had this vision of, like, literally getting out of bed, getting ready in the morning, going to a custom closet. I mean, literally the manifestation of everything. Putting on something nice, sportscoat, what have you going outside, getting in the car, driving down our beautiful driveway off the property, and going and giving a public presentation. And then about four weeks ago, while I was literally in the motion of doing these things, preparing to go and do public speaking for a networking event, it just hit me. And it's like, this is exactly what I was visualizing. And I've done that throughout my whole life. I think that we have to be careful and mindful. Our mind is a blank canvas, and we hold the brushes. And what we want that to look like is something I spent a lot of time just sitting in. And the study you're referring to, there's an author who's had a huge impact on me when I read it.
It's Dr. Maxwell Marks. Excuse me. Yeah, I think that's right. Anyway, he wrote a book called Psycho-Cybernetics. A lot of people haven't heard of it, but he was actually a plastic surgeon by profession. He started having patients come in, and they wanted a modification to something physically on their body, and he would do that. That was his profession. That's how he pays his bills. But he had these habitual people that came back and literally had nothing else that he could offer them physically. So inadvertently, he started looking psychologically. Well, what is this? What can we change about you? Because it's not on the physical. It's not on the exterior, it's on the internal.
And they actually did three different groups, and the study was a free throw. So on a basketball court, they had one group. They were literally told to do nothing. Don't go to the gym and practice. Don't think about it. Just literally show up on test day. So that was one group. The second group was, we want you to go to the basketball court for an hour every single day for a month leading up to the test and just habitually physically practice free throws.
The third and final group, he actually had them sit for whether it be 30 minutes or an hour every day leading up to the test in a dark room with their eyes closed, doing nothing but visualizing, just sinking free throw after free throw, but never physically touching a ball. So come test day brought all three groups together to physically shoot hoops. And the first group that did nothing, obviously, didn't do well. They were the worst-performing. What was interesting was the group that never touched a basketball, but actually sat and visualized habitually sinking free throws, did the best.
And I remember reading that, and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. And I was already seeing the manifestation in my own life of the power of visualization. And then when I read that, it was like, okay, well, there's something, to this. I mean, keep in mind, that I was 19 years old, so I didn't have all the wisdom that we have today. So these were things that were huge breakthroughs for me. And to this day, whether it be we'll go back to public speaking. I've always even sat out in my car previous to going anywhere, I had to public speak and I would just sit and visualize, giving a great presentation, the crowd reaction, having a breakthrough, and channeling a message through me. And it's had a great impact. So visualization is extremely important.
Amy: How often do you do your visualizations?
Kyle: I do it quite a bit. But to be honest with you, I really kind of ramp it up when things aren't going well. If I'm stressed out or if I'm finding myself anxious or overwhelmed, that's kind of a ticker to myself that okay, hold on. Now, again, where my attention goes grows. So if I'm in a space of fear or doubt, that's not where I want to be. So I will try to. Okay, let's visualize the outcome of this. And it ties into another portion of my book, which is I call it fear versus faith. And that's a topic I know I've got a lot of feedback on from readers that was very impactful for them. And to me, I always try to simplify everything. And so to me, it's extremely simple. If you think about the definition of fear is believing something is going to happen before it actually happens. The definition of faith is believing something will happen before it actually happens. So if neither one of them have actually happened yet, why not put all your mental energy into one that's going to have the best outcome?
Amy: Yeah, absolutely.
Kyle: So that's what I try to do. So going back to your question, where do I put that? I try to do it all the time. I try to be consistent with and even my morning meditations or even before I get out of bed. I have a little gratitude session every morning. My feet will not hit the floor until I've had a gratitude session, which really sets the tone for the day. But I try to visualize the outcome of how I want every appointment to go, every interaction, whatever, and then I go out to my day. That way I'm not reacting all day to things that come my way. I feel that it kind of has already put me in a good headspace and mindset to approach the day in the most effective way I know how.
Amy: I love that because I think so often people get stuck in fear and that fear becomes whatever other emotion that starts to percolate and overtake them, which could be overwhelm, it could be anger, it could be frustration, it could be shut down mode.
Kyle: Oh, sure!
Amy: And I think that having a visualization that can create a positive impact on your daily outlook, not even necessarily going like in the study, they show free throws. Does that mean that those people are going to be the best free-throw shooters ever in the world? Probably not, but they did better than the other test study. Would that be candidates? But I think that visualization is a super powerful thing. We can listen to guided visualizations to help us shift our energy. What would you say to someone that says when I listen to guided visualizations, or if I sit in meditation and I try to visualize something, I don't see anything? What would you say to that person?
Kyle: Well, that's kind of a loaded question. When it comes to meditation, and you could speak better on this than I can. You've had a meditation practice longer than I have, but I think the important part on that is to take the pressure off yourself. There's no wrong way to meditate. I'll sit down sometimes and I feel like I'm in a great headspace, but I'll never really have the breakthrough that I'm hoping I would have. But that's okay. It's called practice. It's not something that I think is ever mastered. It's something that we practice every day. We just try to get better. You have good days, you have bad days. But I think to couple that another thing I used to do a lot of presentations at a homeless shelter where I taught life skills. And one of the things I always try to give them life tools that could help them in situations that maybe they've never learned or they're not equipped for. They don't have these tools in their toolbox available to them. So one of the things I used to do is I would have a participant somewhere in the crowd. I would say, I want you to really think about something that's bothering you, something that's stressing you out.
Amy: Let's do that right now with everyone, okay.
Amy: So take a moment.
Kyle: Yeah. So basically, take a moment. I mean, it's different. Obviously, you're not in front of me now, but when I have an audience, what I would tell them is close your eyes, and I want you to really sit in a space of something that's bothering you, whether it's, you know, stressing you out, frustrating you, worrying you, whatever it is. But I don't want you to say it out loud, you know, I want you to keep it within yourself and just really go to that space, and it can be extremely uncomfortable.
Amy: Let all the emotions come up.
Kyle: Let it all come up. I mean, really go to that space that you've been trying to avoid and just sit in it for a minute. And then when you feel it and you're kind of overwhelmed by these, quote, unquote, negative emotions, the next thing I want you to do is I want you to now think about something that you're extremely grateful for, something that you feel incredibly blessed to have in your life. You're incredibly fortunate to have and then what I would ask them is, what happened to the other one? And it's crazy because every single time I ever did this, they would open their eyes and they're like, I don't remember. And they would actually laugh because they're just like, where did it go?
Amy: And I've seen you do it. It's such a powerful exercise. So if you're ever in a bad space where you're just stuck in a loop and it's just going over and over and over again, and you can't get out of it. This is a super powerful exercise because you can shift from allowing yourself to feel your emotions, which we talk about, like, feel your emotions, and then shift to gratitude. Choose something different. And that could be something that brings you great joy. And it could just be as simple as like, oh, I got the best cup of tea today.
Amy: And I've seen you do this on stage where the person literally is like, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm not even, like, I can't even pull it up right now because I'm so grateful for whatever it is that they were thinking about.
Kyle: Yeah, it's amazing. And you can see a physical transformation. You could see them bound up very tense on the first half of it. And with the gratitude, you can literally see it melt away. And there's science behind it. Our minds, it's one or the other. You can't have worry, doubt, insecurity, and a mind that is full of gratitude. I'm not a neuroscientist. I can't explain why that is, but I know it's true.
Amy: Well, the law of gratitude is one of the spiritual laws.
Amy: And so when we move into gratitude, our vibration rises, and then we start playing with all the other spiritual laws, that allows us to change our vibration and our interaction with the universe. And then the universe sends us more of those. Plus we get a dopamine and a serotonin hit as well, which is really awesome.
Kyle: Right. And going back to why I have found that that's extremely powerful before I even step out of bed. And if you're in a hurry, if your alarm clock goes off, you're running late. You don't have to sit there. And like, well, Kyle said I have to go through a gratitude session, so my clients are just going to have to wait. No, it's as simple as literally when your feet hit the floor, it could be, thank you.
Kyle: If you have nothing else do that. And it's just shifting that mindset to approach your day with gratitude. And then you'll find as this becomes a habit, like anything else, it gets easier. And you'll also just naturally start finding more things throughout your day to be grateful for. And then I personally do that before I go to bed as well. I'll recap my day. Another little trick I'll do on that is, if I had just, despite all my great tools, if I had just a bad day, I will lay in bed before I close my eyes to go to sleep, and I will replay those events, but I will tweak a different outcome. So if something let's say, a business meeting I had didn't go as I had planned, I will visualize basically not the reality of what happened, but what I would have liked to have happened. And it's crazy with that sends out the universe, too, because a lot of times when I see that person again or whatever event that I was overwhelmed by or frustrated or disappointed by, the situation is better because I did that internally. And the reason that is, most of the things we worry about aren't a big deal.
Kyle: So we take it to bed with us, we ponder on it. Again, where our attention goes grows. So it becomes this big thing that actually wasn't reality anyway. So if we can change that and our neurotransmitters at night or on our way to our work in the morning, it changes our reality because our perception is 100% our reality.
Amy: Right. And I think that sometimes we perceive the situation ten times worse than the other person.
Kyle: Of course.
Amy: And that's not always the case. Sometimes the other person in the situation or the other people in the situation have a different perception of them what you had, and it might be worse on their end than what you perceived it. But when we go back and start analyzing the conversations of what could have been said and how it could have been said, you can go into analysis paralysis, and then also that dims your light and you give away your power. And so by going back through and just tweaking the little things that you wish you could have done differently, it changes the way that you've perceived the outcome. And also for me, that also changes the way that your body, mind, and soul is reacting to the situation that you're not stuck in the past as well.
Kyle: Exactly. Yeah. And at the end of the day, the exercise, if nothing else, will get you to pause and identify the lesson.
Kyle: That's a mantra of mine. Whether it's a good day, a hard day, challenging day, whatever the case may be, I always thank God for the blessings and the lessons because they're one of the other. But when you frame it like that, no matter what happened, there's a benefit, there's a positive outcome. If things didn't go the way you wanted to. Well, hey, that's a lesson day.
Amy: Yeah, absolutely.
Kyle: We all want everything to go beautifully where we just, oh, man, this is such a blessing today. And that happens, too, like, you know, but it's again how we frame it. And if we have things that don't go quite as we anticipated, we say, hey, you know, I picked up the lessons here, and we're going to be better for that. We're going to move into the next day, in the next chapter of our life, saying, okay, I did all these things that didn't really work out, but I actually took the time to identify why it didn't work out. I thanked God for the lesson, and then I can move forward. And that alone will change that into a positive.
Amy: Absolutely. And I think that there's this misconception that everything's supposed to be perfect each day and everything's supposed to be not stressful at all.
Kyle: That's only on Instagram. That's not real y'all. That's not real.
Amy: But when we do have those character-building moments and character-building days, it allows us to shape our character, shape our lives, and shape our reality in whatever way, positive or negative. And so it's totally up to us, and we are in control of that destiny, which is really neat.
Let's talk about your spiritual path. I know that when you and I both met, I wouldn't say we were as spiritual as we are now. Our spirituality has changed and morphed throughout the years. I know for me, when we met, I was very much into yoga, and I was going to church, and I believed in God, but I was still working on my stuff. And then when you and I moved in together, I really started diving deep because I was starting to get depressed, and I was feeling that I didn't want to go into such a depressive state that I wanted to take my life or I didn't want to go there again. And so I found meditation, and you were super supportive of it. I actually asked you to buy me the course for my birthday because I was super excited about it.
So you supported me on that path. I know not every spouse out there or every romantic partner for people out there understands that. What would you say to someone that is starting on this path that is really excited, but maybe they don't have that support system at home?
Kyle: Well, that's a tough one. I would say not to oversimplify, but your spiritual journey is your own. And, you know, the quick backstory on mine. I was not raised religious at all and was not in a religious household. My sister and I had, I think, one short period of time that we were in a Bible study that was essentially like an extra daycare like my parents had things to do. They weren't in there. They dropped us off. And that's fine. As I was coming through, I had a big spiritual quest, basically like 19 to 24. When I was young. I wanted to know more. I wanted to, you know, get answers. And, you know, I've read the Bible cover to cover three times, you know, and what I'll say on that, and I respect all religions. To me, I think the important part is you believe in something.
Amy: Mmhmm, absolutely.
Kyle: And I think that for me, anyway, this is strictly my opinion. I have tremendous faith and a very robust spiritual life. But I wouldn't say I'm overly religious.
Kyle: If that makes sense. So for me, it's something that has been a journey within. And I do believe in God. I do believe in a higher power and things of that nature. But the important part of that is, like I said before, just believing in something, having some direction, having some purpose, but also having the compassion and tolerance to understand that not everybody else has to believe the way you believe.
Kyle: And even if people are atheist, if they don't believe in anything, that's still a belief. You know, there's still something that they're passionate about. But when it comes to a spiritual walk, the biggest recommendation I would say on that is I think that what I've learned in my life is doubt is where research and understanding starts. So if there's something that I'm naturally a skeptic, it's something that I work on all the time. But again, I take that as a blessing, because if I'm skeptical about something, it will initiate me to start researching it and dig into it. And when I was going to a lot of churches, as I was going through the Bible and whatever, I never just took whatever preachers or somebody at the front of the congregation said as the gospel, I would make a note. And I was naturally like, we'll see about that. And then I would go home. Well, what did it do? It caused me to go into the book. It caused me to look at it. And a lot of times my interpretations were different than what I heard on Sunday. And so I would go back to the preacher, and I was very inquisitive.
I would just say, hey, no offense, I'm new to this. I'm in my spiritual walk. You said something last Sunday, I went home. I read it myself. My interpretation is this, your interpretation is that and we had good conversations, and that's kind of how I dissected that and worked my way through it. And it's not something that I still do a lot to this day, I have a better understanding of my belief system and things that I'm comfortable with. But I'm also 41 years old and have had a lot of life experiences and as you know, several near-death experiences that have really shifted my thought process and a lot of things, I guess, to answer your question, if I have or I don't know if I have or not, but it's different for everybody, and that's okay.
Amy: Yeah, absolutely.
Kyle: Where it becomes a problem is if I feel, well, this is how it is for me. And so it has to be the same for you all. No. That by any standard, any religious practice is not the way you want to do it.
Amy: Yeah. And I think that even when you started getting into meditation, there is this desire within me that was like, I want to tell you everything that I know. And here's how I learned it, and here's how you're supposed to do it, but that's not your path. I remember us being at a bookstore and you picking up this meditation book that you were so excited about. And I looked at it, and internally I was like, that's not a book for me. But I'm so happy you're into meditation. I'm so happy that you're wanting to investigate this more and practice it in the way that you were taught to do it. It looked different than the way that I was taught to do it.
Amy: Which I think is cool.
Kyle: It is cool. And I think that's the caution. That's the downfall. I mean, as the saying goes, there's nothing more judgmental than a new Christian. And that's no offense to anybody's faith. It's just when we discover something new, we feel we're excited about it, and we want to share with people. And that's wonderful. Spread the word, but understand that people are on their own path and people are going to same with our meditation example. Yeah. I was intimidated. I mean, you were very much into your meditation practice. It was still a weird thing to me. I didn't quite understand, but I wanted it. I wanted to know more about it. And really, when I sought it out, what I just wanted in my life more was stillness.
Kyle: I had five companies I was running. I was burning the candle at all ends, and I just wanted to disconnect every now and then. And that was my intention. It kind of still is to this day. When I go into my meditation, I'm not necessarily going through chakras or having a lot of visualization. Sometimes I do. But my whole intention, if I can quote/unquote, like, meet my goal meditation is to separate from my physical being. That's what's important to me. And the mantra I use a lot is I'm not my body. I'm not even my mind. I'll say that over and over until there's literally a disconnect between who I am here in the physical and then who I ultimately am. Right. And when I hit that point, I'm good. That's what I want to get accomplished. I have to have that separation. And again, as I go out through my day, that I'm not reactionary. I feel things kind of come at me a little bit slower. And I can make better decisions because I'm not just completely led by my physical being and my lusts or desires or whatever the case may be because I know that there's infinite intelligence and I am an infinite being, and that's something that has helped me.
So I would just say, don't worry about messing it up. Whether that's meditation, whether that's being inquisitive about a religion or a faith practice that you're interested in, go with it. But keep your options open. Keep your mind open to everybody. And if we're all being good human beings walking each other home. That's what we ultimately want is somebody that's compassionate, that loves us for who we are, no matter what we believe in, as long as it's not violent or hurting anybody, then do you. Do whatever works for you.
Amy: I think that's important because I know for me when I started going into all sorts of different spiritual practices, you're just like, what are you doing? Because it was very different than what it looked like when we first started dating. And because I started going into a lot of yoga philosophy and wanting to deepen that experience because I wanted to heal my childhood trauma, and that was one of the paths. And I so appreciated that you didn't understand it, but you supported me in it.
Kyle: Well, I also saw the positive impact it was having on your life. So as somebody that loves you with all my heart, why would I not like something that brings the best out in you, that makes you just a better person every day? That then I want to strive to keep up where it's like, hey, she's really taken off here, and she seems to have better tools in her toolbox than I do. And so maybe I need to number one, I'm happy for you. But it nudged me in my own journey as well.
Amy: Yeah. And it's been so great seeing how that has morphed and changed just the way that you react to things, too, which is awesome. What would you say to someone that's just starting this path and wanting to kind of shift their reality, what advice would you give them?
Kyle: Well, again, you're the artist holding the brush on a blank canvas. And I think going back to your point, too, where maybe I didn't understand the things that you were getting into, I think that's natural. I think that we tend to be intimidated or we have fear of things that are not familiar or that are beyond our understanding. And so sometimes our ego will put up a wall where it might say, well, I don't like that. Who might say, I don't like it? It's just I don't understand it.
Kyle: So I can try to find a better understanding. And again, I go back to that, that all knowledge starts with skepticism. So if you're skeptical about something like, yeah, I don't know about this, good. Then as long as you don't stop there and you just judge somebody because they're different from you.
Kyle: But it forces you to start walking your own path in your own discovery. That's a beautiful thing.
Amy: If I would have said, oh, you know, you're right. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. I can't even imagine how our lives would be right now. I don't even think we'd be together because the way things have unfolded, it just felt too good to not be true for my soul.
Kyle: Well, that's a great point, too. I mean, I think when you find it, you'll know.
Kyle: I mean, you'll know, to your core, like, this is good. I need to stay on this, or maybe I need to tweak this wherever the case may be. But I think especially in a marriage or any kind of long-term partnership you have if somebody is growing and the other person, isn't, there's going to be an issue.
Amy: Oh, for sure!
Kyle: And they don't have to be growing in the same direction, but growth in a positive direction. And that's what's exciting is you and I, if we could be dropped back when we first met, we'd be like, who are these lunatics? Who are these people? We'd be so embarrassed or just find it hilarious, whatever. And that's what I love. Because that also goes forward. Right. God willing that we're here another ten years from now. I am so excited to see what those two people look like.
Amy: Yeah, absolutely!
Kyle: And I know that we're two people that will ensure that we don't get stagnant, that we continue to grow. So that's the greatest part about it is just knowing that every year it's gotten better. And that doesn't mean we're without challenges. I mean, it's just a marriage, for goodness sakes. We have challenges like anybody else. But I think that our ability well, I know 100% our ability to cope with challenges is way better and healthier.
Amy: Oh, for sure!
Kyle: And we have, I think, a deeper respect for each other. And I have every intention of continuing that. But that's the whole fun of being in a relationship. I love where we're at now. I can't wait to see where we're at ten years from now.
Amy: That would be great.
Kyle: And if this right now is the best part of the next ten years, we fell off track somewhere.
Amy: Yes, for sure. Hopefully, that doesn’t happen!
Kyle: No, and it won't, because that's where it's important to find a partner. Let me say this, that if your significant other is not on the same page with you and maybe it's negative right now, I'm not saying, like, you just go do your own thing or whatever. Just have patience with them, just as you want them to be compassionate and tolerant with your path. Be the same with them, because everybody's on their own path. And if you fell in love with that person for a reason, if that's still there, then give them some grace, give them some space. Because if I hadn't immediately jumped on your path, because it took me a while to catch up and we're still on different paths.
Amy: For sure.
Kyle: But we're on both positive paths that are helping our overall beings. And that's what's important.
Amy: Yeah, I agree with that. And it's been a journey watching it unfold. And I also think that if you are, if your partner isn't on board with what you're doing, it's really important to stand in your power, in what you are doing and how it is benefiting yourself. And just be curious about how it can help you even more. And when your partner decides to get on their path, allow them to be on their path and don't change it. Don't try to correct it, don't try to police it, because it's not going to work. And I think that flexibility between the two of us has really helped because I know my languaging can be way out there compared to your languaging and your spiritual tools and your spiritual practices. But at the end of the day, we still believe in God, the universe, and the divine, and we believe in ourselves, which is also truly important as well.
Kyle: And it's and we're both on a positive trajectory. So again, let's say somebody is on a spiritual quest and their significant partner is very abusive, is very toxic wherever the case. Okay, well, we're not saying that well, you need to give them grace and just let them be jerks or whatever. I think the difference to clarify there is you and I were on different paths, but we inherently want to be better people.
Kyle: And that's important. We were willing to put in the effort and the time to see how much elevated we could become or enlightened or whatever you want to say it. And so that's what I'm referring to. I'm not telling anybody to stay in a bad situation that is completely counterproductive for what you're trying to get accomplished.
Amy: Right, and sometimes we outgrow relationships.
Amy: And that happens, too. If you guys are interested in getting Kyle's book, it's I'm In Control.
Kyle: I Am in Control.
Amy: I should know this. I Am In Control. You will find the link in the show notes. You will also find that you can order it on Amazon. It's also on Audible as well. It's a very quick read, which is awesome. Let's go back to your book. Who is this book for?
Kyle: Well, it's for anybody. It's purposely very short. And that was, again, for the intention that it was written. It was something that I could sit down and read really fast in one night. So it's not a super detailed, super elaborate book. It's kind of more like bullet points and just things that to be mindful of as we go through our day and go through this life, just little basics on how we can be better people, how we can stay aligned in our truth. But it's for everybody. I do have a desire for me to write another book, or maybe I do a deeper dive. And I was also at the time that that was written, we weren't married. We definitely didn't have a child. And so I'm a different human being today as a result of both of those and just be more worldly and whatever in my experience is that I am very proud that I still stand by everything in the book. I hear authors are like, oh, man, I wrote that at a certain stage of my life, and I would change a lot of things. And I'm fortunate, like, I wouldn't like I think that that book stands alone for a good guidepost for people.But I give a lot of book recommendations within the book.
Kyle: So that's one thing I did try to do is if you want to do a deep dive on any particular subject matter, I have that book in there. I reference a lot of books.
Amy: Yeah. Think of it as a quick reference guide.
Amy: And a reminder for mindset and energy shifts and things like that. You do talk about it's never a money problem, it's an idea problem in the book. So if you are struggling with money, I feel that that concept right there is super powerful, because I know that for me, when I was starting my business, I would always go back to that, because when you're starting a business, it costs a lot of money to start a business. And so what are my ideas? How can I create with the universe so that money can flow to me in a different way that will take care of me? I appreciate that you talked about that in the book as well.
Kyle: Yeah. And I also on the subject of money, I break down that money is not bad. It's not good. It's completely neutral. It's a tool. To me, it's simply a tool to have opportunities that you want in your life, whether that be freedom or travel or whatever the case may be. But as I point out in the book, you could take money confiscated from a drug dealer and build churches with it. You can also have a Church that can fund a drug cartel. The money itself is neutral. It's simply a tool. And I think a lot of people, especially in the spirit realm, have some issues with money or they don't view it as what it really is.
Amy: Right. It's simply an exchange of energy. That's all that it is. It's an exchange of energy.
Kyle: If we really boil it down, it is the incentive that we receive or the amount that we give.
Amy: Right. Absolutely.
Kyle: And that's what's important about it. But, yeah, that was something a mentor of mine told me again, I was probably maybe early 20s or 19 even, but I didn't have anything. I literally had no money. I just had a lot of ambition and drive. Whenever I would complain about money, he would stop me. And this guy, the other thing that just reminded me of that is he used to always say, “Oh, well, I want you to end every sentence with and that's the way I want it.”
Amy: That's powerful.
Kyle: That was very powerful. So when I said, I'm having money struggles, he's like, “Whoa, Whoa, is that the way you want it”? And I'd be like, of course not. He goes, then quit saying that because your words are powerful. But he was the one that told me. He said, “Kyle, there's never a money problem. There's only an idea problem.” And he said, the unfortunate part about where we live in now is if we encounter a situation where we're in a financial struggle or strain, the first thing we want to do is go run and borrow from somebody, whether that be from a bank or a family member or whatever.
And by doing that, we never give our infinite intelligence a chance to really bring it to us creatively and find other avenues. So really give yourself permission to figure out, okay, here's something that I have that requires money. What can I do? What idea can I come up with that I can manifest this money instead of just, hey, lend me some money?
Amy: Yeah. I think that's a powerful reminder. And I loved that he had you say that after each statement. Say it one more time for our listeners.
Kyle: It's powerful. I mean, again, I was super young, and I'm so grateful that I had somebody like this in my life. But he used to just say, after everything you say about yourself or your situation follow it up, it doesn't have to be out loud. It could be mentally, but with and that's the way I want it. And if you do that, and if you make that a discipline, it's amazing how negative you actually are. At least I was. I was saying things I did not want, and I almost kind of felt like I was a Monk sometimes because I didn't want to say anything because everything rolling around my head was negative, which was not what I wanted. And so I'd have to really force what I wanted this to be because you have an external and internal programmer.
Kyle: Your external is the words that's coming back in, and then your thoughts are the internal. And it's hard. I mean, it's impossible to control all your thoughts. Our brains run through an incredible amount of thoughts every second. But I'm also a believer that we're not necessarily all of our thoughts, we're our actions. So you can have some negative thoughts that you can reconcile within, but it's what you actually act upon is who you truly are and where that's going to go out into the universe.
Amy: I absolutely love it. Tell everybody where they can get your book.
Kyle: Sure. So it's pretty much at all the outlets. It's on Amazon. It's also available on Audible, which if anybody has ever heard recordings of themselves. I was the narrator on it, and it still makes me cringe to this day. It's a very awkward thing to do to sit down and read a book into a microphone with all the inflections that you need. It's interesting. So don't judge me too harshly on that. But on the tangible book format, like anywhere you would buy a book, you can get it and like I said, don't expect too much. It's about that thick.
Amy: It's an hour-long book, y'all. It's an hour-long book, super short read. It's called I Am in Control and you will also find a link in the show notes as well. So if you'd like to purchase the book for yourself or friend, it would be great. It's a really quick read and again, it was designed for Kyle to read it quarterly to remind himself they're just basic self-help principles and to take control of his life.
Kyle: Yep, exactly.
Amy: Well, thank you so much for being here.
Kyle: It was my pleasure. It was an honor to be here. Thanks for all you do and all the impact that you have out there. It's incredible. I'm so proud of you.
Amy: Thank you, my dear. All right. You all make sure you like and subscribe. We are so grateful for you to listen today. I look forward to seeing you in the next episode. Bye.
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