Episode 38: Letting Go of Disappointment

Episode 38: Letting Go of Disappointment

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When our expectations aren’t met, it can be an invitation to spiral into a series of negative emotions or an opportunity to grow our compassion through the lens of love. How we handle the disappointments in our lives greatly impacts how we experience our lives and the world around us!

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LETTING GO OF DISAPPOINTMENT

WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE

At some point in our life, we have all been disappointed by something, someone, or some event, and I think it's essential that we explore disappointment with great curiosity. When we look at disappointment through the lens of love, we have the opportunity to allow ourselves to grow and get a different perspective.

The definition of disappointment from Oxford languages is sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations or a person, event, or thing that causes disappointment.

The experience of disappointment leads to so many other emotions, and it’s easy to allow the initial disappointment to spiral into the negativity that keeps us stuck in disappointment rather than moving towards a solution and, ultimately, growth.

UNMET EXPECTATIONS

I heard a quote that stuck with me, “The leading cause of divorce is unmet expectations.” Wow. I think this stands out because unmet expectations are just part of life. It’s inevitable that what we want to happen or how we expect a situation to play out will derail.

How we choose to overcome those expectations can cause a lot of hurt, grief, and sorrow, or it can allow us to learn from the experience. We can allow ourselves to experience the emotions that come up with disappointment. Still, it’s important to process these feelings with the intention to let them go, not let them grow.

IT’S A CHOICE

One of my biggest disappointments was an anniversary trip with my husband. I had planned it out perfectly and found a beautiful Air BnB, and I was super excited about it. Upon arrival, that excitement quickly turned to disappointment. That disappointment then manifested in sadness and frustration. Something I had been planning for quite some time turned into a huge letdown.

I was so disappointed. It looked nothing like the pictures. It was filthy, and my expectations were definitely not met based on the photos. But, I had to decide right then and there if I would allow that to affect the rest of our trip. Even though the Air BnB did not meet my expectations, would I let my disappointment change our entire experience of my anniversary trip?

And the answer was no; I wasn't. I had to choose to acknowledge my disappointment and understand that perhaps my definition of cleanliness was different than others, then let it go. It could be a disappointing part of our anniversary trip without ruining my entire experience!

DON’T FEED THE MONSTER

When I recognize I am disappointed, I don’t want to allow my disappointment to fester and grow into a monster. Anytime we allow our disappointment to fester, it can grow into a monster, and that monster can act out in ways that ultimately make the situation worse.

It can take over our tongue and lash out at any point if we let it grow inside us. It can quickly give us permission and justify our acting in ways we won’t be proud of later. So when it comes to disappointment, we want to let it go and take a step back.

We can ask ourselves:

  • What were my expectations in this situation?
  • Why am I disappointed about my expectations not being met?

 
I think asking these two questions is important because it allows you to humanize the situation and gain a new perspective.

PERSPECTIVE GIVES CLARITY

When we take a step back from our disappointment, we can step away from the idea that this situation is happening to us, even if it is. Yes, you are experiencing what is happening in your reality, but a bigger picture is also happening around you. You bring in the compassion necessary for processing your feelings when you gain that perspective.

Perspective also allows you to gain clarity. Clarity is key because when you become the observer and question your feelings and reactions, you also have the opportunity to let out any frustration you may be experiencing.

By letting out any frustration, sadness, or even anger surrounding the disappointment and acknowledging your emotions, you're freeing that energy from your cells and your energy field and letting it out. Clarity will come through when you release your feelings.

FREE YOURSELF

After processing your disappointment, you have to let it go. You can't hold on to it. By letting it go, you're freeing it up.

Now, how can you let it go? After asking yourself some clarifying questions, then you can sit and talk with someone about the situation. Venting your frustration healthily with a supportive person also helps release those emotions.

Will venting give you immediate relief from the feelings you are experiencing? No. Absolutely not. Give yourself some space to process your emotions. The time you need to process your feelings will depend on the situation. It’s okay to acknowledge the disappointment now and then reserve time to process the emotions surrounding the disappointment later.

PENCIL IT IN

When I run into disappointment during my day, I don’t always have the space at the time to process the entire situation right then and there. Sometimes, I have to make a quick decision to put my disappointment on hold to deal with later. Otherwise, it creates a bottleneck in my day and destroys my productivity.

So if I have to get into clarity quickly, I will say:

"I know I'm disappointed. It's okay. We're going to work this through. We'll acknowledge more disappointment later if that is necessary. But at this moment in time, I'm grateful for this, I'm grateful for that, and we're going to move forward."

I give myself a pep talk to get through the disappointment quickly and then pencil it in to deal with later. At the end of my day, I can sit down and recap my unmet expectations and how I want to process the emotions and move forward.

DON’T SLEEP ON IT

If you have had a situation during your day that has caused you a great deal of disappointment, but you didn’t have time to work through that disappointment in the moment, it’s essential to tackle that head-on before you lay down to sleep. Our sleep can be affected by our expectations not being met during the day.

Sit with it, and journal about your experience and the frustrations that came up for you. Get these emotions out in a healthy way, so they don’t fester. If you let it fester, it will grow into a monster. We don’t want that. We want to free ourselves from disappointment. That does not mean you're being overly positive. That means that you're taking a very healing approach. That means you're taking an approach that will allow you to evolve.

Notice your thoughts. Observe any thoughts that caused unmet expectations without spiraling into negativity. Step back from the situation to gain clarity, shift, and heal from the experience.

YOU ARE WORTHY

It's important not to take disappointment personally to the point where you question your value and worth. Sometimes our expectations are unmet for many different reasons, and it does not have to do with your value or self-worth.

With that being said, you might have someone in your life that you have outgrown that is the source of your disappointment. They are not respecting you or taking advantage of you. If that’s the case, it’s time to decide whether or not they still play a role in your life. Stand in your power. Be honest about the situation as you determine whether that person will still be a part of your life.

If you decide the person may stay in your life, but they are a continual source of disappointment, it’s time to have an honest discussion and set healthy boundaries. If you can overcome the conflicts that keep disappointing you, great! If there is no resolution, make peace with the idea that sometimes we must let go of people.

You are worthy. You deserve to have peace in your life. You deserve to live in heaven on earth!

If you enjoyed this episode with Amy Robeson, we would love to invite you to check out other inspirational episodes by clicking here. Enjoy!

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Full transcription of the episode:

Hello everyone and welcome to today's show. I'm so excited you are here. Today we're going to be talking about disappointment. I have a different show plan for today, but I just kept getting this guidance to talk about disappointment. And I think that it's really important that we explore disappointment with great curiosity because, at some point in time in our life, we have all been disappointed by something, someone, or some event.

And I think that when we look at disappointment through the lens of love, we have the opportunity to allow ourselves to grow and get a different perspective and so much more. So let's first look at the definition of disappointment. This definition is from Oxford languages and the definition is sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations or a person, event, or thing that causes disappointment.

I want to highlight expectations. I once heard a quote from someone. And I have no idea who this is from because I heard it from someone through something and that was, "The leading cause of divorce is because of unmet expectations." I think this quote has stuck out to me for so long because I think that at some point in time, our expectations are not going to be met in a relationship or in an event. And how we choose to overcome those expectations can cause a lot of hurt, grief, and sorrow or it can allow us to learn from the experience.

I know one time my husband and I, went on vacation and I was so excited about this vacation because I took the time to research the Airbnb we were going to be at. We were just so thrilled. This is the first time we were going somewhere really cool that was different than our normal places. And we spent a lot of money on the Airbnb because it was our anniversary and I was super excited about it. And we got to this Airbnb and I was so disappointed because it looked nothing like the pictures. It looked nothing like the pictures.

It was filthy and my expectations weren't met. I was really sad. I was disappointed. I was frustrated. I explained this to my husband, but I had to make a decision right then and there if I was going to allow that to affect the rest of our trip. Even though my expectations were not met, was I going to allow that one experience to change our entire experience of what we were there to do?

And the answer was no, I wasn't. Because my expectations of cleanliness is different than others. And yes, I was paying money, but I didn't want to allow that to fester and grow into a monster. And anytime we allow our disappointment to fester, it can grow into a monster. And that monster can take over our tongue and lash out at any point in time because we're letting it grow inside of us. And when we find the opportunity to lash out in whatever way, it's going to come out. And so when it comes to disappointment, we want to let it go, we want to step back. Sometimes it's important we have to step back and we have to go, "What were my expectations in this situation?"

And why am I truly disappointed because my expectations weren't met? I think by asking these two questions is really important because it allows you to humanize the situation. It also allows you to step back as if it's not happening to you, even if it is. But it allows you to observe from the bigger picture. It also allows you to get a different perspective. And with perspective comes compassion.

Also with perspective, you gain clarity. And clarity is key because I think that when you start to become the observer and you have the opportunity to ask these questions, you also have the opportunity to let out any frustration that you may be experiencing, any disappointment that you may be experiencing, any sadness you may be experiencing. And by letting it out, you're actually acknowledging your emotions and you're freeing that energy from your cells, from your energy field, and you're letting it out. And then clarity will come in through that, letting it out. The key is you got to let it go. You can't hold on to it. And by letting it go, you're freeing it up.

Now, how can you let it go? Well, one, you can ask these questions. Two, you can sit and talk with someone about the situation. So for me, in that moment in time when that happened, I explained to my husband I was upset. I vented in a healthy way that I was upset, my expectations weren't met and I was disappointed. But we were going to move on and move forward and we're still going to have fun. Now, did this all occur within a 1 minute time period? Absolutely not. Give yourself some space to process. Depending on the situation will depend on how much time you have to process it. It is also okay to process it at a different moment.

So, for example, this week I had some meetings I was supposed to go to. The meeting I went to didn't go as planned. And so I had to make a quick decision to manage my disappointment right there and then. Otherwise, I wasn't going to be able to have clarity on what to do next. And so if I have to get into clarity quickly, I will say, "I know I'm disappointed. It's okay. We're going to work this through. We'll acknowledge more disappointment later if that is necessary. But at this moment in time, I'm grateful for this, I'm grateful for that, and we're going to move forward." And this might be a little hoo-ra-ra cheerleader talk that I'm going to give to myself internally so I can work through it quickly and we can move forward.

Later that night, I sat down and went through and recapped what I was disappointed about, why my expectations weren't met. But I couldn't do that at that moment in time because I had to move forward quickly based on the situation that was occurring. Now at nighttime, I sat there and went through it thoroughly in a healthy way so that I could let it go the very next day and I wasn't taking it with me to bed. And that's really key. I think that sometimes our sleep can be really affected by our expectations not being met in something during the day.

And if you're not sleeping well, ask yourself, where have my expectations not been met today? Or notice your thoughts and notice if you are thinking about something that has caused your expectations not to be met and why. And then sit there and do the exercise. Sit there and think. When I say think, it's not spiraling into negativity. It's analyzing, stepping back from the situation with the understanding that you're there to gain clarity and shift and heal from the experience.

Again, remember, if you let it faster, it will grow into a monster. We don't want that. We want to free ourselves from the disappointment. That does not mean you're being overly positive. That means that you're taking a very healing approach. That means is you're taking an approach that will allow you to evolve.

The one last thing I want to say about disappointment is that it's really important to not take it personally to the point where you are questioning your values and your worth. Sometimes our expectations are not met for many different reasons, and it does not have to do with your value or your self-worth. Now, with that being said, you might have someone that's causing you to feel disappointment that you have outgrown because they're not respecting you and they are taking advantage of you.

If that is the case, you have to look at what is my self worth and how is this person of service and how is this person not of service being in my life. And it's really important to take a step back because there are times when we are disappointed because someone is taking advantage of us. And it's really important that you stand in your power and look at the situation very honestly and see if that person is meant to be in your life anymore. And if they are meant to be in your life, but they are causing your expectations not to be met, they're causing disappointment. And it's something that you feel that you both can talk about and overcome, then set a really healthy boundary and have open communication with that person or that business so that your expectations can be met, or you can have a different perspective on the situation.

Because sometimes we might be disappointed because we perceive the situation in one way and then the other person has the opportunity to share their perspective and it shifts your perspective to compassion for the other person, where you're not placing blame, you're not disappointed anymore because you were missing that key piece of information. And that's okay, because we are all human, we all perceive things sometimes from a past experience, and it affects the way that we're doing business or being in relationship. And so if that is happening, forgive, move on, and it's great and let go, right?

So I hope you've enjoyed this episode. I don't want you to live in a space of disappointment. I want you to live in a space of love and light and acknowledge the emotions as they're coming through because you deserve to live heaven on Earth. So make sure that you fulfill your desire to bring that love in and let go of the disappointments and handle them along the way.

All right, guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode. I look forward to seeing you in the next one. Please make sure you like and subscribe. And also don't forget to sign up for the Soul Evolution Masterclass series that is happening on August 22 through the 26th. It's free, it's fun. It's five days and we're going to do lots of fun, cool of things when it comes to manifesting and the Akashic records. You can click the link in the show notes or go to my website at theamyrobeson.com. See you soon. Bye.

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