Episode 55: Healing One Layer at a Time

Hello, everyone. Welcome to today's episode. I think we have all heard the analogy we're like onions and we have to peel one layer back at a time. And I love this analogy because it does give us a visual of what our soul can experience as we're healing. Even though this visual is helpful, sometimes it's really frustrating to get to one of those layers, think you're done...You're done with healing that topic, you're done with healing that trauma, you're done with it, you've done the deep work, and then the next layer comes up for you to look at it again.

It can be so disheartening sometimes when this occurs. What I want to invite you to do the next time that new layer comes up to heal on that very big wound of yours to celebrate it. When the next layer comes to your consciousness to heal, it is an invitation for you to have a soul discovery. It's an invitation for you to see the trauma, the experience through a different lens. And that lens is love.

Can you love yourself more deeply? Can you love the other person or people or experience with compassion and forgiveness? You don't have to be madly in love with them, but can you find love for them in this situation? And I know that sounds kind of strange that we're like, "Well, why would I love someone that hurt me?"

I'm going to tell you firsthand that I have experienced some really deep trauma from people that I absolutely love. And I have caused my own deep trauma as well. And so I have to find another layer of love, forgiveness, and compassion. And every time you hit that layer, that new layer, that means you're going deeper. And if you can go deeper and you can funnel deeper, that means that you have the opportunity to invite more love in, more compassion, and more forgiveness.

It means that you have the capability. Let me say that again, you are capable. You are so beyond capable of exploring this new layer to heal. Sometimes we can do so much deep work that it can feel so exhausting to go, "I have to look at this again." Yes, you do, my dear.

However, can you give yourself permission to look at it through the lens of love? And can you give yourself permission to look at it through the new lens of love that you've created by healing the previous layer, and the previous layer, and the previous layer to that? Every single time you heal one of those layers, you have a new lens, which means a new perspective of approaching the next layer. And sometimes the layers take a little bit of time in between.

Sometimes they come really quickly. Sometimes it can take years before the next layer comes forward. Sometimes what I've seen with my clients when it's something that they've worked on a lot and they don't want to do the next layer, this is usually the common thing that's said, "I've already looked at this, I've already worked on this." Well, if it's coming up to work on, it's coming up for a reason. So we have to trust when something's coming up.

And I want to encourage you to not say, "I've worked on that, I've looked at this, I'm complete with that." Because by doing that, what you're denying yourself is the ability to harness and own your wholeness. Sometimes we have to talk about uncomfortable things. Sometimes we have to revisit uncomfortable things and you can revisit them in a different way than you have in the past. And sometimes the layer comes up for you to look at again, not because you haven't done the work, it's how you are going to react by looking at it again. Because you have a new opportunity to view it with the updated lens that you have been given by healing the previous layer.

So when you have those opportunities, thank them because they are assisting you in growing. Also, one of the things that I also want to encourage you to do is when this new layer comes up for you to look at and to heal, I want you to get super, super curious. And how you get curious could be by meditating on it, it could be by asking yourself a lot of different questions about the situation. It could be talking to a friend. It could be how can I hold space for myself in a different way than I have in the past when I looked at this particular trauma experience.

I think it's really important to pay attention to reactions. Not only reactions within the thoughts, but also reactions within the body. So if the layer is coming up and you have a reaction that is not of positivity, that means there's something else to look at there. If the reaction is of dread or worry, stress, anything but positive, there is something more to look at.

You can also have a positive reaction to the next layer or a neutral reaction to the next layer when it's coming up. And it still means it's for you to look at because anytime something comes up, it's definitely there for you to look at because it's coming up for a reason. Also, you can observe what's going on in your life that's inviting this forward for you to heal. Sometimes we can experience or be in the moment of experiencing something that allows us to heal something.

And I'll give you an example. Over the summer, I was hosting a retreat and one of my clients at the retreat shared a pretty traumatic story with me. And this story triggered me, like, she wasn't triggering me, it triggered something within me from childhood trauma to look at. And it was the experience of being in that moment with her that allowed the next layer of my own childhood trauma to come forward, for me to peel back and to start addressing.

And I am so grateful that this happened because it allowed me to have a completely different perspective around how I was parented and allowed me to get out of victimhood. And that was huge for me. Like huge. And the reason why it allowed me to get on the victimhood is because I got to see something through the lens of a parent versus a child. And it allowed me to have more compassion for the decisions that my stepdad made as a parent when I was a child.

And I was so grateful for it because it has been kind of stewing and I was so grateful for it because it's been simmering for a year and a half that of this different lens of looking at things and it allowed me to take accountability for how I perceive things versus how my parents probably perceived them. And then allowed me to see the entire situation through a new lens. It allowed me to also give more compassion to my parents and it allowed me to give compassion to myself because I got an opportunity to go, "Oh, maybe I didn't miss out on things," or, "Oh, that must have been really hard for them to make that decision and I completely understand why now."

Experiences will invite and invite you to peel back a layer. So when that happens, even if you're triggered because remember, triggers are an invitation to heal, and any time you're triggered, I would stop and look like, "What am I triggered about? And what wants to be healed?" Because there's time for us to pull back a layer. And when you do that, buckle up, get ready to be real with yourself, really honest, really compassionate, and really loving.

The next thing about the layers that I want to share with you is some layers of trauma might only be ten, but if you have something that was major, major trauma, you might be peeling back layers to God knows when. And that does not mean you're doing anything wrong.

I do want to invite you if you do have big trauma that you have been pulling back layers on and you seem to be stuck in one spot with it, educate yourself, get more support. I think that educating yourself allows you to see and shift perspectives, which also allows healing to happen. I also think that sometimes we have to hear things multiple times before they really set in. I also believe that education allows us to approach things in a different way. And I'm going to give you an example on this.

For me, I've experienced sexual abuse, so anything around sexual abuse, I'd be extremely triggered by. Like, shut down, don't want to hear about it, don't want to listen to that. No way am I going there because I would be triggered. And the only way to process and to heal is you have to go through. And so one of the things that really helped me to heal and start to feel better about even having someone talk about sexual abuse or watching something about sexual abuse was to educate myself on sexual abuse. And the more that I gave myself permission to educate myself on it less and less and less the triggers happened. Now, I can watch something or read something without having a major trigger happen, without having anxiety happen, without having PTSD happen and it's huge for me.

So by educating yourself, you'll allow yourself to go through some of the uncomfortableness. If you cannot do this on your own, which some things we can do on our own, and I think that's healthy. And other things we definitely need support. And you can get support in many different ways. And one of those ways is by talking to someone either professionally or friends, family members, or people that you trust and you feel safe with.

Not every family member, not every friend is a good person to talk to about stuff like that if they can't hold space for you. And so you really want to make sure that if you are receiving support, that you feel safe and that you feel comfortable sharing. Working with someone professionally would also be very helpful as well.

Whatever you decide to do when the next layer comes up determines the reality you're going to continue to live in or get to shift out of. So remember, when the next layer comes up, thank it. Peel it back with great curiosity. Open yourself up to seeing the layer through a new perspective, which is the lens of love, compassion, and forgiveness. You totally deserve it. Absolutely deserve it. I think you are amazing. And you get to recognize your wholeness. You get to stand in your power. You get to evolve while you have a self-discovery.

Alright, my friends, I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I look forward to seeing you in the next one. Please make sure you like and subscribe. It helps more than you know. I look forward to connecting with you soon. Bye.